August 14
 
 

uhh. don't ask.  at least i don't look like i'm going to cry, which is how other 40 photos were
 
 
 
 
 

The corner of my street is kind of a bad one for accidents, because people on the avenue often look to the light after theirs and go when it turns green, rather than watching the light directly in front of them.  When the light on my street turns green, so does the light the drivers shouldn't be watching, so people will just go, not really realizing that they're blowing a light and most importantly, trying to kill me.  Because this happens regularly, I've taken to pausing for a few seconds when the light turns, to scope out whether or not people are going to barrel through.  Recently, there's been a new problem--the people who don't pay attention to the No Right On Red signs are also running the light, and are also trying to kill me, so it's a double tag team of death going on right there.

Yesterday, I was at my corner and the light turned.  As usual, I waited a few seconds, saw that no one was running any lights, and started to go.  From NOWHERE, a turned on no right on red person comes whipping past, in a flurry of honking and screeching breaks.  She pulls in front of me, I give her the finger and flip my brights, and drive closely behind her.  We get to the next light, where she starts gunning her enging and HONKING at the person in front of her to go through the ilght, or to get out of her way or whatever.  The person in front of her turns, and she just tear asses past, honknig and swerving around cars, clipping pedestrians and yelling at old people. (note: she didn't really hit anyone)  She keeps this up until she abruptly slams on her breaks and pulls into a driveway.  Know where she was going?  Heh, heh.  A yoga/meditation center.

Judging from her driving, I'd guess that she's only just started her classes.
 
 
 

Ah, Family:
 
 

You're all going to think I need some intervention, here, but I went to the casino again this weekend (as per my conversation with Eleanor from the other day).  Usually, I am in the mood to go to the casino.  I don't mind the fact that I'm spending an entire day of my life indoors, getting stinky from other people's cigarettes and not seeing the sun other than during the hour drive there and then the hour drive back.  It's okay with me, because I like to gamble and the thrill (thrill might be a bit of an an overstatment) of a potential win is there.  I could walk out a millionaire, or at the very least a, well, a hundredair, which is usually way better than how I walk in.

I called my grandmother Friday morning to tell her that I'd take them, although, still, I didn't really want to go, I was hoping to do something outside, but whatever.  They're my grandparents and if they want to go to the casino, by god, that's where I will go.  Until my mom called and asked if we all wanted to go down the Jersey shore and spend the weekend at her friend's beach house.  Well, shit.  Of course I do! If you're giving me the choice of a beach or a casino, I will choose the beach every single time, even if it's a beach in Jersey.  I get very excited about the idea, and ring the grandparents to see if they'd be interested in a change of plans.  I give them the information in a way that clearly let them know that it's what I wanted to do,  like "Hey!! Woulnd't you guys rather go down the shore?? It's supposed to be a beautiful weekend, we can go to the beach! It'll be GREAT"

Do you know what she said?  Do you?  She said: "Why would we want to do that?"  Why, indeed.  "That seems like an awfully long drive just to go to the beach for a day!"  Pointing out that they would not be driving at all didn't seem to make a difference, but I kind of hoped that she'd hear the longing for sand in my voice and say "Well, WE don't want to go, but why don't you go down and meet your mom, we'll go to the casino another time"  Of course, that didn't happen.  "Let's just stick to our original plan of going to the casino."  Even my saying "Maybe what I'll do is pack a bag and go AFTER the casino" (which I'd no intention of doing, the idea of battling traffic for 5 hours made me want to cry) got no response other than a "Uh huh".  It was the casino for me.  There was no way out.  This made me all surly towards the idea of going.

The more I thought about it, though, the happier I was that they didn't say yes.  Last year, when we all went down to Atlantic City for Angelo's birthday (I'm fairly sure I didn't tell this story because it pisses me off, still) I drove.  I drove there the way you're supposed to drive there, if you're coming from Connecticut.  Down the Meritt (you're free to take 95, it's your call), across the GW Bridge, down the Jersey Turnpike, to the whatever, then, bang-o, we're in Atlantic City! Well, about 2 hours into the trip, we stop at a rest stop to pee and get beverages.  I get back to the car, and I see my grandfather, having a very quiet, earnest discussion with my grandmother with a lot of arm flailing.  I ask what the matter is, and they're both like "NOTHING, NOTHING!!"  Well, long story short--Angelo was INSISTING that I was driving the wrong way.  I mean, not that my actual DRIVING was wrong, but that the way I was getting to Atlantic City was entirely wrong, in his expert opinion.

Now, remember:  Angelo has never driven from Connecticut to Atlantic City.  He's probably never driven from Connecticut to New Jersey, at all, in his life.  As far as I can see that would negate any claim he has to being an expert, but because this is Angelo, it does not stop him from whispering loudly to both Nick AND my Grandmother as though I can not hear, about my apparent geographic retardedness.  In his mind, I was supposed to take ...a big bunch of roads that wouldn't mean anything to anyone not from New York.  I'd begun writing it all out, and realized that no one, including myself, would give a shit.  His route would have, rather than skipping driving through the boroughs, had me driving to Brooklyn, through Staten Island and onto the Turnpike from there. Why?  Because that's the way he'd always gone, so that's the way he knows how to get there.  Ergo, anything other than that, any deviation from his way is wrong.  It was horrible.  Horrible.  I love my grandparents dearly, more than life itself, but man.  I was ready to haul off and punch him in the fucking face, I was so annoyed.

SO, I was imaginging the drive: the 3.5-hour-on a good day drive to Bradley Beach with my surly, angry "I wanted to go to the casino, this is a waste of time!" grandmother and my pissed off, silent "You are GOING the wrong WAY, I know better than you, but I don't want to say anything about it, so I will make dissapproving little noises with my mouth all the way there until you are ready to ram your fist through a window" and realized that really, I'd gotten a save.  The beach wouldn't be at all relaxing, and battling the north bound traffic on Sunday night would probably have brought tears to my eyes.

Plus, there was:
 

Dana:  Man, that was a super dead squirrel, was it folded or something?  The tail was up in the air!!
Eleanor:  Yes, it was.
Dana:  What was a squirrel doing on I-95?  I thought they were smarter than that.
Angelo: AWWW! Didja see that??  The little squirrel!! It was eating!!!
Dana: It was DEAD!
Angelo:  Nooo! It wasn't dead, it was EATING! Didja see, it was standing on it's hind legs, eating a nut!!
Dana:  You saw a squirrel, standing on it's hind legs, eating a nut?
Angelo:  Yeah, aww.  It was so cute! Didja see?  It had a fluffy tail!
Dana:  That would have to be the only fluffy thing about that squirrel, because it was dead.
Angelo:  No, it wasn't.
Eleanor:  Ang, it was dead.
Angelo:  You're CRAZY.
Dana:  You mean to tell me that a squirrel chose the breakdown lane of the interstate to enjoy it's meal?
Angelo:  They're smart!!  You know, we have a squirrel in the yard that comes over and takes bread from me, when I leave it out.
Dana:  Well, see, the diffrence between your yard squirrel and the one we just saw is the fact that one is alive and the other is dead.
Angelo:  Naaahhhhh!!!!
Dana: That squirrel was visiting the baby jesus.
Angelo:  What are you talking about??  It was eating!
Dana:  That squirrel was eating nuts from a tree in heaven!
Eleanor:  I'll bet there are nice trees in heaven.  Lots of nuts.  A lot of parks, too.
Dana:  Perfect for a flattened squirrel!
Angelo:  It was ALIVE.
Dana:  Uh-huh.
Angelo:  Well, it WAS kind of close to the road...maybe it WAS dead!
Dana:  I knew you'd come around.
 
 
 

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I didn't win a CENT at the casino.  Not a dime.  Nothing.
 
 

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