November 23
Can you tell that I'd just popped a pimple on my lip? I'm sexy. You want me.
Two things before I get to the song.
1.) Last week, the day after I discovered that I was cooking Thanksgiving dinner, I discovered that my oven no longer worked. To make a long story short, I had to go out and buy a new one, which I did. They delivered it today. My grandmother said that she'd come over and sit until they brought it so that I wouldn't have to miss work ("What the hell else do I have to do?") and she arrived at about 8:00 this morning via taxi. I'd put the dogs outside because they'd be impossible for her to wrangle and even more impossible for her to prevent from mauling the nice delivery people from Sears (note: Sears deserves a little mauling. My oven cost $400. The charge for them to come in and set it up and haul off the old one? $150. Bend over, Dana.) Anyhow, she shows up at the house and I greet her at the door. She's got her purse and a little plastic bag. "What's in the bag?" I inquired. "Bologna!!!!" said she, in a very "well, DOY" kind of voice. I assume that she believes I have no food (sort of true) and has brought herself something to have for lunch. She walks into the house and says "The dogs need a snack!"
Dig it. My grandmother actually went to the supermarket and bought my dogs bologna as a BRIBE. Bribe bologna!! Would your grandmother do that? I'm thinking no.
2.) I'm really sad I missed this. Apparently, some guy was standing out on the street in front of the Dunkin Donuts down the street from my house when he was inspired by only the lord knows what--to strip naked and stand there screaming at traffic. He proceeded to gather up his clothes and walk home stark ass naked, until the cops finally reached him. The saddest part to the story is they brought him to a mental health lockup facility RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET from my building. And I missed it. Talk about always being at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Here's the song. I can tell by everyone's stony silence that you're overwhelmed with admiration for my choices in music. There, there. The week will be over soon enough.
