May 11
If you look carefully enough, you'll see the scar at the very middle center of my forehead. It was a tragic childhood head-the-exact-height-of-the-table accident. I don't notice it about 90 percent of the time.
The Idea:
Okay, so I have this idea. You all know how I include lyrics at the end of each entry, right? (right??) And you all pay special attention to them because you sit there and think "Wow. If Dana put them there, they must mean something special to her. They must represent something going on in her world, or, at the very least, this is what she's listening to right now!" And as you sit there and read and think and think and read you say to yourself "Self. If only I could get my hands on a copy of these songs that Dana likes so well. If ONLY I COULD. How can I make such a remarkable thing possible?? HOW??"
The Inbox:
Well, here's how. My mail has been extremely, excruciatingly boring lately (with the exception of the person who wanted to me my concubine. Person who wanted to be my concubine: that was funny!). 90 percent of my inbox is all "HOT HUMPY SEXXX WHORES!!! NUDE!! NUDE!! NUDE!!! XXXXX!!!" and as much as I like porn, because, really, who doesn't like porn, I am unamused by my inbox.
The Contest:
Write me an entry. You can make it as fancy or colorful as you want. You can use whatever font you like or whatever, just none of those fucking midi files because I really hate them. It can be about whatever you like, but, here's the thing: you have to work the following words (or phrases) into the text, and I don't mean in a sticking it in where it makes no sense kind of way. The second part is, and this is important: YOU ARE WRITING AS ME. Make it work, people. I don't know how:
The List:
Baby Jesus
Fucky
Manmeat
Undulating
Slappy
Gelatinous
Weepy fuck
Powergossip
Mister T
Jibba Jabba
Motherfucker
Monkey
Boobsmasher
Jumping jackasses
,yo!
vodka
The stink of dead people
withered, floppy parts
retard
"I'm not answering the fucking phone"
The Rules:
Use the words and phrases. Wherever and however you like. Make me laugh. Make me puke. Submit it to me in some form of HTML, but easy, eaasssyy HTML because I'm not fucking around with it once I get it. You have until May 23. Why May 23rd? Well, why not? It seems random enough.
The Fabulous Prize:
A double, that's right, a DOUBLE CD: "Music of Bobofett". Complete with slicky boy color labels and liner notes and shit like that, courtesy of my new monster color printer. I'll even make a note of the song title and artist, which I almost never do. An exciting DOUBLE CD coming straight to your house from mine. With stamps and a letter and everything.
Plus, I'll post your winning creation. So get cracking!
Etc:
If I know you in real life, you can still win, if you're so inclined. Just as long as you follow my few, meager rules.