December 2

 

I'm sort of sad to report that I have less hair now than I did when this photo was taken in June. Also, note CANADIANS all around us!!! Look how clean they are!!! When I get new hair, I'm TOTALLY taking another photo of us together.

 

 

One night a couple of weeks ago, Nicole and I were driving back from the casino and we got to talking about my list of shitty songs I still managed to love. That lead to a conversation about what we believed were the best pop songs of all times. We started off with saying that we were going to list THIRTY, which was too many, but would have made it easier. We fought it down to 10. We weasled it 10 with a backup of 5. Seriously, we talked about this for an entire 45 minute drive, and then talked about it for a few days more. That started Nicole off on a rampage of wanting to make lists for everything, so here are two of our lists, the first, what we consider to be the best pop songs (note: we decided that it was pop if it had charted at some point, but there are plenty of great songs I consider pop that didn't chart), the second, what we consider to be the 10 worst movies. Does it count as an entry if it's a list? I do believe it does!!! Anyhow, you might want to get used to reading these, she and I have been emailing back and forth about this all week.

 

DANA'S TOP 10 WITH A BACKUP OF FIVE BEST POP SONGS OF ALL TIMES IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

 

1. Oops I Did it Again: Britney: It should go without saying that Britney rules the world. She churned out hits for a while, and honest to god, who did mindless pop better over the past few years? My girl will be back. After she dumps Vanilla Ice II and gets the baby a full time nanny and gets back together with Justin Timberlake, the world will be back to normal. THAT'S why 2005 was so crappy!!!!! THANK you, Britney Spears. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

2. Rock Box: Run DMC: I might argue that RUN DMC are the best rap group in the world. This song reminds me of the 7th grade. Yes, I'm old.

3. Push it: Salt & Pepa: They're GIRLS? And they're talking about SEX? I recently heard an interview with Salt wherein she SWORE that this song was not about sex, but about PUSHING BOUNDARIES. Yeah, ok.

4. Like a Prayer: Madonna: This isn't my favorite Madonna song, but you have to include her. Certainly I have to include her because Nicole is helping me finish a knitting project. Seriously, though. Madonna has done a hell of a lot for pop music. (note: my favorite M. song is "Burning Up")

5. Photograph: Def Leppard: Def Lep took 80s hair metal to a whole new level and never try and bullshit me that you don't crank this shit when you're driving on the highway. Because you do. I've SEEN YOU.

6. Sail On: Lionel Richie: I don't have to go over this again, do I? If you are like me, a dork, Lionel Richie owned your ass in the 80s. You danced on the ceiling. End of story.

7. Crazy in Love: Beyonce/Jay Z: While it can be argued that Destiny's Child had more hits than solo Beyonce, they never had a hit that came even CLOSE to the absolutely SICK horns on this song.

8. Jungle Love: The Time: "That shit is the mad notes, written by god herself and sent down to the greatest band in the world: The mother-fucking Time."

9. Better Be Good to Me: Tina Turner. Could it be possible for a woman to rule any more than Tina does?

10. Nasty Girl: Vanity. Take away the section with all the moaning which is really embarrassing to listen to if you're sitting in traffic, or say, with your grandmother in the car, and the song RULES!!!

 

Backups:

1. 867-5309: Tommy Tutone. ADMIT IT. You called this number no less than 100 times.
2. Every little thing she does is magic: Police. Sting alone can blow it, for the most part, the cocky tantric sex loving motherfucker. This song is still my favorite of all the songs they performed.
3. If I Can't Have You: Yvonne Elliman. If I'm in the right mood, this song will make me cry. What? It sup rises you that I'm a dork? Plus, what's more pop that Saturday Night Fever?!
4. Down Under: Men at Work. To me, Men at Work = 80s New Wave. Plus, Colin Hay has a tremendous voice, even though he has those weird googly eyes.
5. Seven: Prince. Why is this my favorite Prince song? I could not say. But it is everything that's great about the little guy.
6. What about your friends: TLC. They're not the best out there, but this song is pure awesome pop. And, I used to think that Left Eye was wearing a fried egg in the video. I'm smart.

 

NICOLES TOP TEN WITH A BACKUP OF FIVE--THESE MAY ACTUALLY BE IN TOP TO BOTTOM ORDER:

Holiday – Madonna:  First of all, it was DISGUSTING to try and choose ONE Madonna song that I love.  She has so many songs and most of them are my favorite.  I must say that Holiday is not my absolute favorite Madonna song.  However, I picked it because (1) Madonna ends all of her concerts with this song and if its good enough to close her show, its good enough for #1 on my list, (2) It makes me want to work out, (3) It represents the pinnacle of her career and her career has paralleled major moments in my life and when I hear it, I think of so many of my memories (and really… shouldn't’t a favorite song be inspired by nostalgia), (4) if I didn't’t finally take this decision by the balls and pick one this list would have ended up being my “top 20 favorite Madonna songs”. 

Stuck on You – Lionel Richie:  Dana has “Sail On”, I have “Stuck on You”.  It is what it is. [ed. note: Stuck on You is a great song, but it's no SAIL ON, ok?]

Purple Rain – Prince: I will be so bold as to say that this is one of few non-Madonna song that came out of the 80’s that I think is awesome (Dana will completely disagree with me but I stand by my feeling that 80’s pop SUCKED).

Bright lights – Matchbox 20:  Young girl, the city, hope, dreams, Rob Thomas.  GREAT SONG!  Any song about dreaming big in a city that’s bigger makes me happy. 

Midnight Train to Georgia – Gladys Night and the Pips:  BEST SONG EVER EVER EVER (but made #5 on my list, go figure).  And when I hear it, who ever I am with must be the pips (usually Dana or Justin) and I am always Gladys.  [ed note that I might have told once before: years ago, Nicole and I went to go see Rent in the city. Afterwards, we decided it was too early to go home so we hung out with some of my friends, went out to dinner, and ended up at a gross bar on the lower east side [note to NYers--it's next door to Blue & Gold and I once fell down the three stairs. Anyhow, someone played Midnight Train and Nicole burst into spontaneous song. Mind you, I'd NEVER HEARD HER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT BEFORE. She flipped her shit, and I knew I would love her forever]

Ignition Remix – R. Kelly:  This song makes me feel cool and soulful and blackish and sexy.  I never ever ever get sick of it.  I mean he sings “I’m like so what I’m drunk, it’s the freakin weekend”!!! Its good!

The Gambler – Kenny Rogers:  love for the casino + love for Kenny Rogers=#7 on my list.  Plus, Dana and I ALWAYS count our money while we are sitting at the table and every time I do I have to sing a bit of this in my head.

Far Behind – Candlebox:  This is as Rock & Roll as I get!  Plus, this song choice was fueled by nostalgia because one of my very best friends in high school had VERY strict parents and they would not let her go see Candlebox with me.  So, I drove down her road (at 16) with my headlights off and helped her sneak out of her bedroom window and we had the best night ever and he parents never knew.  Every time I hear this song I think of that time in my life.  (Follow-up, I was pissy drunk at Bentara with Dana one night and said friend walks in and I was so excited to see her and so very drunk and I acted like an ASSHOLE…. Like the grand pumba of assholes and never heard from again.  I was SO obnoxious that I don’t blame her for thinking that what ever I did in the years between high school and that night retarded me). [note: I think that that girl might have been just a tad bitchy and our 15 bottles of wine before, during and after dinner had nothing to do with it at all]

How Deep is Your Love – Bee Gees:  I love John Travolta, I love NY, I love everything associated with Saturday Night Fever AND I love the visual of him walking (no strutting) with that paint can wearing his tight jeans.  I love that his dad slaps his hair.  I love that he is the king of the disco.   I love that he is obsessed with the Brooklyn Bridge and I love that this song makes me remember that I love all those things. [ed note: "I work very hard on my hair and what does he do? He HITS IT.]

She Talks to Angels – Black Crows:  I hate pot!  This song makes me want to smoke a joint and dance naked (alone of course).  Plus I love the whole girl with dreams that’s a little crazy but doesn’t really know that she’s crazy song theme.

 

Bonus selections:

America – Neil Diamond:  windows down… radio on high… Flag blowing in the wind… my loudest proudest vocal effort! [note: When we were driving down to Atlantic City a few years ago, we were in a traffic jam, which seems to be the place where me and EVERYONE I KNOW has a synapse misfire, and we're COMPELLED to share the crappy music playing IN the car with everyone in all the surrounding cars. Nicole screamed to the people in the car next to us "MY HUSBAND IS IN THE MILITARY!!!!" during our America Freak Out, and they gave her a "Easy there, retardo!" look.]

Sweet Child o’ Mine – Guns & Roses:  My friend Gina sings Karaoke to this song and she sounds awesome singing it and it reminds me of reason why she is one of my best friends (which I need a constant reminder of these days).  I think of late drunk teenage nights on the beach and feeling free and having fun. 

Rock with You – Michael Jackson:  I just love it OK (plus one day Dana and I were in the car on our way home from Atlantic City and I said… “I really wanna hear Rock W/You by Michael Jackson” and I believe she said “WHY???” and that she really wanted to hear that Clear my Throat song – and that we had a better chance of her song on the radio then mine.  I changed the station and what song was starting to play – ROCK W/YOU.  Fate makes it #13 on my top 10 list)

Tiny Dancer – Elton John:  Love it… love that moment in Almost Famous.  Plus I really have no idea what most of the words are and what the song is really about but I sing my made up words anyway.

 

Dana's 10 Least Favorite Movies:

 

10. Talented Mr. Ripley. Jude Law is too pretty for words. However, this movie was about 14 hours long and filled with people mincing around foppishly saying "Dicky! Dicky COME BACK!!" Ugh. A nightmare.

9. National Lampoon's European Vacation: You can NOT get new kids from movie to movie. YOU JUST CAN'T. And to replace Anthony Michael Hall as RUSTY? Oh, FUCK no.

8. Wizard of Oz: The only person more irritating than Judy Garland is Liza Minelli. This movie is long and creepy and sappy and horrible.

7. 8 Mile: See here.

6. Thirteen: Who DOESN'T like a movie about spoiled, whiney girls at the age most of us would like to forget!?!?

5. Moulin Rouge: Nicole Kidman ran around shrieking and squealing. I hate when people in movies burst into song. The shrieking, though, is what really did me in. Also, not EVERY MOMENT needed to look like the set designers were at the tail end of a 10 day acid binge.

4. Ghost World: "Gosh, we're sad and emo and misunderstood!!!!"

3. The Incredibles: This was supposed to be like the new awesome thing from Pixar. I hated it from start to finish. People LOVED it. I don't get it.

2. Swept Away: I think this movie speaks for itself in terms of suck. You've seen it, right?

1. Lost in Translation: I loathed this movie. An entire movie about two unlikable characters doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. For fuck's sake! Cheer up!!! Moping around in a different country doesn't make the moping around any less sucky and painful to watch. I didn't laugh once. Was I supposed to? I would have left the female character in her hotel room, too. Know why? Because she was REPELLENT!!!!!! Movies about LONG POINGNANT looks piss me off.

NICOLE'S TOP 10 MOVIES OF SUCK:

1. Rocky V: If you knew how much I love Rocky 1-4 you would understand just how much Rocky 5 offends me. It actually brings me physical pain to watch because of how much joy I get from R1-4. I take it personally. This movie totally pisses me off. [ed note: I think that it annoys Nicole that I can't keep the Rocky movies straight. I love the one where he fights Dolph. Because he kills Apollo Creed! Har!]

2. Staying Alive: Same reason as Rocky 5. [note: I fucking loved this movie. I don't think I've ever felt SO ALIVE. Someone asked me what I was going to do AFTER I saw it, and do you know what I said? "I'm gonna strut!"]

3. One Night in Chynna: Dana rented this porn and came over one night so that we could watch it. It failed miserably as a porn because it's humanly impossible to be aroused by chynna (who by the way has a very visible penis), she didn't shave for the film, most of what she said is drunk and mumbled, and the guy that she is doing is greasy and looks stinky. In addition to all this, he has these weird clips of him actually in China (the place). Its gross and I hated it. Would I watch it again? Maybe. As a side note, the weird porno clips that followed were much more interesting. I'd never seen a girl with 6 penises in her. Thanks Dana! [note: every time they flashed a quick view of her teeny peeny, we would start SCREAMING to try and get her husband, a peenie NONBELIEVER, into the room. We are 12.]

4. Gigli: Everything about this movie was horrible. EVERYTHING. Who says gobble gobble during sex? The retarded guy didn't even act like a real retarded person? What the hell was in Ben's hair? What was J-lo talking about? None of it made sense. And I have to confess that I wanted to like it. I tried.

5. Bad Santa: Farting, puking and unnecessary profanity are never funny to me. [note: loved this movie]

6. Lost in Translation: I think that I hate this movie so much because it was so stupid and so many people thought that it wasn't. It won an Academy Award. Everything about watching this movie made me feel tense and impatient because everything took so long to happen and in the end nothing happened.

7. The movie about Harold & Krumer (or whatever) going to White Castle: I don't understand one single thing about why this movie is funny. I watched it with my husband (who thought it was hilarious and that usually means I will think its retarded) and my friend Tara and I actually had to go to bed because it was so bad. Also, I'll add that I hate all movies like this (Dude where's my car, Deuce Bigalo, are all the same dumb movie to me) [note: LOVED LOVED this movie, also love Dude Where's my Car.]

8. Friday: It's about drunk, useless, unproductive, doped up, drug dealing, ghetto people AND it's a comedy. Not funny to me. (by the way is another favorite of Justin's) [note: I've never heard of this movie.]

9. Showgirls: It's actually so bad its fun to watch! [note: so really, it transcends bad and goes back to good, like Jay Z's looks!!]

10. Little Shop of Horrors: I don't understand it and I have no patience for it. Is this one where they sing that weird transvestite song? If not, then I hate that movie too. [note: now she knows it's not Little Shop of Horrors. It just cracks me up that she confused them. You should also know that Nick is AGHAST that this is her least favorite movie.]

PLEASE NOTE: Swept Away not included out of principal & respect for Ms. M.

 

 

So, there you go. Want to fight us about it? Point out the error of our ways? Want to tell me YOUR 10 worst movies or 10 best pop songs? Well, do it!!! I want to know! If someone might be able to explain why Lost in Translation DIDN'T suck, I'd love to hear.

 

 

PS: RE my last entry about outfits. I didn't even REALIZE until after I'd posted the links that the chick wearing the shrug? Is also the chick wearing the peasant skirt. It was two halves of the same photo. They REALLY did wrong by that poor woman.

 

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