December 10
Look! It's me! And a camera! And a monkey! This monkey is cool because he has knees. And eyebrows. And he's just cool. Shut UP. He definitely is. He's even an import monkey, from my trip to Maine!
Warning: Griping Ahead, Feelings May Be Hurt. Read at Own Risk:
I have discovered a new pet writing peeve. It is far more disturbing to me than misspellings. It is much worse than misplaced apostrophes. It is worse than blinking animated heart gifs with the words "I LOVE JESUS" emblazoned through the middle. It is the reading equivalent of nails across a blackboard. I wince when I see it. Such a tiny little word. So much pain. Of what word do I speak? Brace yourselves. You probably use it in your page. I read many, many fine, well written journals. Funny. Poignant. Witty. I also read many shitty journals for my own personal giggles and feeling of general superiority (1. No, I am not talking about your journal, yours is one of the funny, well written ones! 2. Come ON, like you don't do that, too. Like you're not here on my page right now doing JUST THAT? Whatever). The one thing both have in common is one little word:
yo.
Even typing it makes my skin crawl. Yo. "It's really cool, yo." "That guy is dope, yo!" "I'm really hungry, yo." We all know to whom yo belongs. When I read yo by its originator, I am happy. Smiling. Joyous, even. A yo from Pamie is a good, proper, right yo. A yo from you is not. Okay, I'll be fair. The occasional yo is fine. I begrudge no one an every now and then yo. I am also aware that people pick up phrases from other writers. Sayings are traded. This is absolutely proper. But, for shit's sake, PUT YO TO BED. Enough. No more. Yo is bad. Yo is not good. It is not cool. It is not funny. It does not improve what you're saying, yo. It does not make you seem hip, yo. It does not make your science tight, yo (don't even get me started on the repetition of that). It does not do a thing for me except piss me off. And the more you say it, the less I want to read you.
Seriously, I can't figure out why it bothers me so much, and it is a phrase and trend unique to journal writing. Allow me to yo-ify a paragraph from a book I'm reading. You can see what it's like for me, reading your yo-ful entries:
I have read about my own writing that I use frequent, unnecessary cursing which detracts from my normally good writing (shut up, I'm not making that up.) I am here to say that I believe that the use of 'yo' is simply a coverup for weak writing. Yes, I know. Many people use yo. Many, many people. Many, many MANY people. Good lord, many. Wait, let me change the thought: the use of yo makes good writers weak, and bad writers unfuckingreadable. If you're giving me an entire entry about what you have in your backpack (hmm, that's not a bad idea for a future entry , yo!), make me give a shit. Impress me. Telling me about family tragedy? Your beautiful, perfect cats? What you eat for lunch every day? Who you love? Don't make me close my browser because you can't figure out how to end the sentence. Work on it until you do. Slapping yo at the end is just a sloppy copout for someone who has run out of what to say and has to rely on being cute and hip and glib. Fuck that. Say something, but don't add yo. It mean absolutely nothing. At all.
"After all, migraineurs should be at a selective disadvantage for survival compared to nonmigraineurs, a fact that runs contrary to the grain of evolution, yo. While evolutionary pressures don't matter for degenerative illnesses that limit the survival of the elderly, they would certainly come to bear on a common debilitating condition affecting the very young, yo! Lying helpless with a devastating headache for many hours couldn't have been a safe behavior for primitive humans, yo. Migraineurs would have been more prone to being devoured by wild beasts, yo. Or spurned by their societies as nonproductive malingerers, (which happens even today), yo. Or even executed as hopelessly demon possessed, yo!"From: "Why We Hurt: The Natural History of Pain", Frank T. Vertosick, J.R., M.D.
I am not a tight writer. I definitely know my limitations. I know my style and what I can get away with. I know what I write best and the phrases that when I read them on other pages (I recently came across "harshing my buzz" someone else, by someone I didn't think read me ["Dana's a meanie poopie head!"], and about spit my coffee onto my monitor. Luckily, I'd been given the heads up from a friend, and was somewhat prepared. It was still a shock to see. Harshing my buzz. Man.) I can say without a doubt, "that person has been reading Dana.." In any case, there are definitely phrases attributed to writers ("slobbering minions" has certainly been oft repeated, by other people, after I originally read it, here.) and can see where Pamie might be a little sorry, deep down in her heart, that she launched 'yo'. Maybe every time you use her yo, you are stealing just a tiny bit of her soul. Think about that the next time you can't figure out what to say. I have an idea: just end the sentence. It's easy. No really, it is. Your writing will improve. Trust me.
hate mail here, yo!
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I call up my friend, the good angel
But she's out with her ansaphone
She says she would love to come help but
The sea would electrocute us all