January 8
Photo from about 4 months ago...
I'm trying to make a concerted effort to post entries more often. Good or bad. that's how it's going to happen and we'll all go along for the ride together. Isn't that great? I'm recycling photos I have on my hard drive because my cam here at work finally shit the bed. When the blue light doesn't go on, that's usually a bad sign. That and all the cables were stripped out, and I was kind of astonished that it still worked at all. Rest in peace, camera. You were the only way to catch coworkers lurking around, doing stupid things (please note: If you happen to work with me, I'M KIDDING. I would never take photos of you and post them here without your consent. Probably. I am almost 100 percent sincere.) The point is moot now, because I am a woman without a cam.
So, I went over to Nicole's last night and we watched Gigli. Good lord, what a steaming pile. I mean, to be fair to the actors, the script was awful. But, to be fair to me, any time there's a movie purporting to be about retarded people, why for the love of sweet jesus do the retarded people have to be portrayed as doing WACKY STUFF? I don't want to give away any of the delicate plot twists, in case you have your heart set on seeing it, but MAN OH MAN. I've never had any feelings about Ben Affleck, pro or con. I don't think he's particularly goodlooking, and I'm not of the mind that he's a fabulous actor. The only movies I really like him in are Kevin Smith ones, but that's definitely a matter of opinion. I know a lot of people who think he's hotstuff, apparently him most of all. On the other hand, Jennifer Lopez, I wouldn't mind seeing dropped into an active volcano. Terrible actress. Terrible singer, and was that the hint of a moustache I saw there? Together, they are about as uninteresting and uncharismatic a couple I have ever seen. My GRANDPARENTS have more chemistry.
ANYHOW. Gigli. Ben Affleck with a terrible New York accent (plot question: if he lived in California for his entire life with his mother, the gigantically titted and always awesome [She had a recurring role in the Nanny, so I have to love her.] Lanie Kazan, where did he get the accent? Where did it come from? If you're a gangster, do you automatically sound like Goodfellas?) Jennifer with her weirdo dye job and orange face. The retarded kid-playing actor with his hilarious quirks! The scene with Jennifer doing yoga! Her nipples! Ben flexing in front of the mirror! The lesbian ex girlfriend freakout scene!! It was ALL SO GOOD, I can't really even describe it any more. The reviewer who said that it gave him eye cancer wasn't too far off. Just go rent it for yourself.
(The list is now, from best to worst:
1. Crossroads
2. Glitter
3. Evita
4. Gigli
5. Swept Away)
Not to totally switch gears on you, but I'm having a weird sort of problem with a friend. Skipping all of the back story, the upshot is that he's recently rediscovered religion. The fact he's rediscovered religion isn't so much an issue for me, because I firmly believe that there are a lot of things you can argue with someone, but faith isn't one of them. In many ways, I've always been jealous of people who have strong faith, because I haven't, ever. I definitely believe in SOMETHING, but I've never really looked to put it in some denominational context because I don't think that's important. I feel as though if you live your life as a good person, don't act like too much of a shithead, and try not to hurt people, if there is a god, he she or it will most likely be okay with you and you won't live your afterlife (if there is an afterlife!) in a pit of despair or whatever.
Well, imagine my surprise when after this friend had gone to church few times started saying stuff to me like "Well, I love you, Dana, even though you're going to go to hell."
I'm sorry?
I'm puzzled by why a person who just kind of opened the bible on one lonely, random Tuesday (I actually have no idea what the day of the week was) could three days later presume to be holy enough to tell me that I'm going to hell.
Religion is a mystery to me, for sure. But, as I kept telling him, you know, if it makes you happy, then of course, go to church, do what you have to do, but question everything! Don't follow what people tell you do do blindly. It was all fine. I didn't even lose my shit (well, not too bad) when he told me that his next wife, when he finds the lucky woman, has to believe what he believes, no matter what her religion is because he's the man of the house and any of their undoubtedly running away as soon as they're able kids has to believe what he believes too. I mean, I told him he'd be alone forever and I wished him luck in that endeavor because, well, it's 2004, and that shit doesn't fly.
Those two things alone were pretty irritating, but I think what really got to me is when he started telling me that he bought a bible for someone he'd met at a truck stop (yes, I know) , and that he was going to send ME a bible, too. I thought I'd made it clear from the beginning that what I believed was very different from what he did, and that if we were going to remain friends he would have to respect that, and not tell me I was going to hell and DEFINITELY not send me bibles or disrespect other religions. Ugh, it's maddening.
There are a few things I am never willing to waver on:
1.) Being pro choice.
2.) Being anti death penalty.
3.) Loathing fundamentalism.And as I'm seeing it, this is all fundamentalism of the worst kind, particularly because it all happened so suddenly. One day I'm getting drunken phone calls at midnight and the next, I'm being told that the bible says that you aren't supposed to drink and did I know that it was really GRAPE JUICE not wine? I'm having a lot of trouble wrapping my brain around it. What I think is that my friend is lonely, and has had a lot of shitty experiences with women and life and that religion, in particular the one he's found (and I have no idea what it is, because it sounds sort of bogus to me and I tend to tune a lot of details out), is filling a void in his life, but in a way that doesn't at all fit. Like having a puzzle piece that you KNOW isn't the right piece for the puzzle you're working on, but because you're so anxious to finish the puzzle, you keep on jamming it in there, not so much worrying that it's wrong, because it completes the puzzle? Not so much caring that by doing so, every other aspect of the puzzle is thrown off. That's very much what my take on it is, and if I get a bible in the mail, just don't know what I'm going to do, because I'll be PISSED.
There you go, Gigli and religions zealots.