Sorry about the weird ass formatting,
I'm posting this at work, and I don't have Dreamweaver here, as you all
might remember.
Nicole and Dana Talk Hookers (or: Why I
Never Get Any Work
Done at Work Thanks to Email!)
Nicole:
We have to go to the Milford truck stop! There are hookers there
and I want to see them!
Dana:
On 95? I think the Merritt is too classy (plus, no
trucks!) for hookers. Is there any particular time of the
day or night they're there????
Nicole:
yep on 95. by cracker barrel! I read about it in the paper
- one got busted! I think that they may be like the hookers in
Monster AND I WANNA SEE THEM!
I don't know their schedule but I
imagine that a stop at that diner one night might just do it.
Dana:
Speaking of hookers, the show that I saw on HBO on Demand about hookers
in Atlantic city was AWESOME!!!! WE miss A LOT by not driving
around AC at night, HOLY CRAP. There are hookers in bikinis and
heels, WALKING DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET, and apparently a favorite
place for them is in front of Taj Mahal, of course. They kept
showing Borgata off in the distance, but no hookers dare enter.
The other thing I learned was that if you see a woman sitting alone
late at night at a casino bar looking a little rough, chances are SHE
IS A HOOKER!!! But I agree, we need to go on Hooker Safari.
Nicole:
I am all for a hooker safari! I need to see some in the flesh
workin it!
Dana:
I bet there are very classy hookers near the cracker barrel!!!!
Nicole:
OH and if we go to the truck stop diner to hooker safari we need to
take pictures with our camera phones!!!
Dana:
We certainly do!!!!!! I wonder if the hookers are subtle, like
soccer moms going wild!!!! They pull up in their Volvos wearing
white cable knit sweaters from Talbot tied around their
shoulders.
Nicole:
Ha! The article in the post said that the women hook (is that the right
action word for being a hooker????) there for the truckers passing
through. HOOKERS IN MILFORD! I'm a little excited... to think
that there are hookers in the town I lived in! I need to see
them!!!!!!! ASAP!
Dana:
I agree!!! Maybe they go to the mall to buy their hooker clothes THEN
go hook!!!!!! They get all made up with free makeup in Filene's,
buy themselves some nice stuff at Forever 21 and away they go!!!
Nicole:
I bet they are like har har har FUCK ME har har blahwahahaha
(that is what I imagine in my head)
Dana:
Is that a hooker trying to be sneaky about being a hooker??
Nicole:
We should go Monday after work and then go to dinner.
Dana:
To the casino, or on hooker safari?!?! I'm up for both.
Nicole:
BOTH! We can gamble and then do hooker safari on the way
home. That is a MONDAY night if I ever heard of one!
Dana:
Oh, hell YEAH!!!!! Monday night hookers can't be too classy, I
bet! Ooh, and we'll have to keep our eyes open for hookers at the
casino, too!!!
Nicole:
Well, there is some marketing involved. Like how do people know
that we are not hookers...
especially when you linger at the bar and
drink expensive scotch. AND i have eczema so I don't wear my
rings all the time. We could be hookers! They have to do
something to set themselves apart from people like us!
Dana:
Well, the fact that I don't talk to anyone around me might indicate
that I am not looking for a good time. What I learned from the hookers
in Atlantic city show, they're usually alone at a bar (there are two of
us), they talk to guys who want to buy them drinks (no one offers to
buy us drinks) and there's just SOMETHING--the guys just KNEW these
chicks were hookers!! Because the conversations were like: Guy: "Hey, can I buy you a drink?"
Hooker: No thanks. (or
thanks, whatever) How are you doing tonight? Winning?
Feeling lucky? Guy: I AM feeling lucky! Hooker: Want to get a whole
lot luckier?????? Guy: How MUCH luckier? Hooker: As lucky as you want! Guy: *whisper* How much? Hooker: $300 for an hour.
Plus, I bet hookers wouldn't wear
hand knitted scarves.
Nicole:
OKAY good point!
But if i was a hooker I would
probably knit!
Dana:
WHEN? You'd be too busy sucking dick for a dollar!!!!!!
ALTHOUGH, one of the hookers said
that she NEVER ACTUALLY SUCKED DICK. She just PRETENDED and she
was "TRICKING THE TRICK!!"
It was the most informative show I
have ever watched. Fuck YOU, Discovery channel!! For all your
programs, you've never ONCE taught me anything about the intricacies
involved in being a HOOKER!!!!
Nicole:
how do you pretend to do that THAT? Doesn't the guy know? I
don't even kind of understand!!!!!
Dana:
I guess she puts her mouth down there but actually uses her
hand!! And I assume that since the guy is so into getting the
'blow job' that he doesn't look. And the one thing ALL the
hookers said was "Married guys go to hookers because their wives won't
give them blow jobs". Where ARE these no blow job women in the
world? I don't know anyone who flat out refuses!! The
other surprising fact was that most of the hookers INSISTED on condoms
and if the guy didn't want to use one, she would just leave.
Nicole:
DO you think that there are hookers on Monday night?
Dana:
I bet hookers are so strung
out they don't even know what day it is!!! Where would a hooker keep a
calendar!?!?!?!! Tucked into her THONG????
Nicole:
heh. Probably true. If there are hookers on Wednesday and
Friday and Tuesday then surely there are hookers on Monday!
Dana:
The dirty married man's need for oral lovin' knows no day!!!!!!
Nicole:
I knew about the condom thing cause I watched the hooker shows for NYC
on HBO on demand.
Dana:
Except for the crackhead hooker who lost all her teeth!!! She told some
guy that she gave the BEST BJS AROUND and the guy was all "I want it
all LIP and TOUNGE! NO TEETH!!" and she was all "Baby, I can take
my teeth OUT, you'd SWEAR it was a pussy!!!"
From that, I thought of the amazing
media she could have for herself:
FEELS SO GREAT,
YOU WON'T KNOW IT'S NOT PUSSY!!!
I CAN'T BELIEVE
IT'S NOT PUSSY!
LOOKS LIKE A
MOUTH, BUT FEELS LIKE A PUSSY!!!!!
She could have CARDS printed up!!!!!
Then our talk strayed away from
hookers, sadly, and no one cares about going to Target or buying an
armoire.
I’m having some surgery on
Thursday. Having to do with my FEMALE PARTS. It’s not major
(it’s a surgery leading up to a more major surgery), so send your good
wishes my way. I MEAN it!!!!! What if I DIE, and you’d all
feel really guilty for not emailing me, right? So, save yourself
the possibility of a lifetime of guilt. Share your surgery
stories with me! Send me ecards with embarrassing themes
(“SOOOOOO, You’re Having Your Vagina Cut!!!”)