July 9
I think Nicole believed that I did the Madonna show a great injustice by not really reviewing the SHOW as much as the brouhaha of freaks going on around us, and nothing angers Nicole more than someone slighting Madonna, so here's her actual SHOW review. Not the review of how obnoxious the people at MSG were.
Nicole Says...
Dana has been asking me to write a review of the Madonna concert for Bobofett for the past two weeks. Initially I refused because I figured why the hell would you Dana loving readers care what I have to say about Madonna? You don't read Bobofett to hear me. You donít even know me. My decision was madeÖ
WHY I CAVED:
First and foremost, I read Danaís review and it tore out my heart.
Secondly, Dana promised me that you would be interested in what I have to say because ìthey love YOU through me!! You are the Lenny to my Squiggy!!!!! (*Ed. note: It's true, I said that in email yesterday!!)
Thirdly, I love Madonna. Probably more than you do. Probably more then most. Though (ironically) not enough to buy a 75 dollar T-shirt at the show. I know that itís silly but I totally feel like I identify with her, I know that we would be really good friends if we met, I feel like I REALLY get her (as opposed to all of the people that think that they do), all of her music reminds me of a very specific point in my life, she kicks ass when she performs, she makes no apologies for her contradictions, she is flawed, perfect, likable, real and MOST OF ALLÖ MADONNA! PLUS she had kids and now I am pregnant and I can identify with her whole maternal vibe! Madonna and I are the ìmaternal girlsî! I cannot think of a single thing not to love (except maybe the fact that she dated Dennis Rodman ? I do not love him).
Fourthly, because I feel like Dana focused on everything that was annoying about the show and forgot to mention all of the awesome, interesting things that Madonna did! There were millions of awesome things that she did. OkayÖ yesÖ she did get the details right about the people behind us (they WERE seriously that obnoxious). And she was right on about the people on the stairs who were old, drunk, loud, trashy and didnít know a single Madonna song after 1990 (which leaves like 2 songs for them to drunkenly sing along to). They also tried to Out-Whoo Hooo me, which totally pissed me off (I donít remember if Dana mentioned that). [Ed. note: No! I totally forgot to mention that! Every time one of them would stumble to their feet and scream WOOO HOOO!! Nicole would get all pissed off and WOOOO louder. There was a little WOO contest going on.]
Fifthly (is there a fifthly??), because Dana DID love the show. I know that she did. She sang and she danced and we must have high 5íed each other at least once! [Ed. note: She's full of shit, we have NEVER high fived eachother at all, during the entire course of our friendship LEAST OF ALL at a Madonna Concert.] She smiled at me and said ìoohhhh yeahî when Madonna started singing Burning Up [Ed. note: Yeah, that's true. I DID. So?] I cannot figure out what went wrong from then till now. Maybe she just forgotÖ maybe the Beastie Boys and Jay Z [Ed.: I went to the KROCK Dysfunctional Family Picnic a few weeks ago] made her forget how much ass Madonna kicked. Maybe the fact that she thinks that Britney deserves some slack is taking away from her love of Madonna. Maybe her whole misled notion that Mariah was better then Madonna (HOW?? WHAT THE !@(&()*@#$() is completely messing with her ability to reason. I cannot explain it! I know Dana loves me! And to love me is to love Madonna! SoÖ whatever!
Sixthly (if there is a fifthly then surly there should be a sixthly), I saw the show twice! Two times. I was at the end of my 7th month of pregnancy and I waddled my fat belly filled with a growing person to Madison Square Garden TWICE in the dead of the summer to see Madge (that is what her husband calls her!). Not only did I see her twice but I got so excited when the tickets went on sale, that my friend Leslie and I bought 6 sets of ticket (yes, 12 total) and she was not really that big of a Madonna fan (I have since influenced her). We bought sets for the same nights. We went mad. We lost our shit on ticketmaster.com. I was completely irrational. One, because I believed that she would NEVER tour again! EVER. The little bit of hope that I had for the tour was focused on the fact that if she did tour she would NEVER EVER do her greatest hits. EVER! And what happensÖ. She came through. She did tour. She did do her greatest hits! It made me insane! Two, the last time I saw her in concert was for her Drowned World Tour and I paid 350 dollars for 45 dollar tickets! We decided that we would sell the tickets and make some cash. That didnít pan out ? I am out a couple of hundred bucks ? that is a story for another time. The main reason for even mentioning this is to illustrate my excitement about the show and my dedication to seeing it.
Seventhly, I loved it so much (AND SO DID DANA) that we almost allllmost went to see it again (3rd time for me, 2nd for her) in Boston or NJ. I HATE NJ! I was going to go to NJ (which I hate) to see Madonna again. All pregnant! Thatís how DAMN GOOD the show was! Dana knows it! [Ed: The Monday after she show, I get to work at 8:30. At 8:35 my phone rings. It's Nicole. "We need to get more tickets RIGHT NOW. I HAVE TO SEE HER AGAIN. START LOOKING, I'm willing to pay $50 and I'll drive to Philly. I don't care. I NEED TO SEE HER AGAIN!!! Since I am a sweet friend and sort of an enabler, I looked for cheap tickets for the next 45 minutes. It didn't work out.]
THE SHOW (if you donít care about the detailsÖ stop reading here):
Okay, I broke it down by scene (which I remember by her outfit) and songÖ. [Ed.: I can not believe she remembers all of this. I was FIXATED on the people around us. I'm like a little kid at a parade who can't stop paying attention to the ANTS crawling on the ground or something.]
1st Scene: Garter outfit.
* Vogue
* Nobody knows me
* FrozenHere it is MADONNA MADONNA! [Ed.: The fuck?] She comes out and you hear the click click click of the beginning of Vogue. She sings ìVogueî (NO lip synching) and she kicks ass. She Vogues but the poses that she strikes are Yoga poses ? hah ha! New MadonnaÖ old song! Love it! She is totally in shape and every single person would be lying if they were not jealous. The gay guys GO crazy and vogue right along with her. I yell and tap my belly! Then she sings ìNobody Knows Meî off of her American Life CD. Probably the best song off of that cd. She has this dope treadmill thingy on the stage and walks along it while she sings. Then she does ìFrozenî off of Ray of Light and it of course it is awesome. Itís a mellow rendition and she sings it by herself on stage without her dancers.
2nd Scene: Military
* American Life
* Burning Up
* Express Yourself
* Material GirlI loved this whole theme. She comes out in military BDUís and her and her dancers do a gun salute and then break into ìAmerican Lifeî (which I will admit that I do not love the rap part of this song BUT it is Madonna and I accept it ? somehow it was cooler live! IT WAS!) [Ed.: No, it really wasn't. It still sucked]. Then this stage that cuts out into the audience comes out and she marches along it with her entourage and belts out the song. She is out there with the fans! [Ed. Inasmuch as being 10 feet OVER the fans can be considered "out there with the fans'] It was awesome! After that, she grabs her guitar and does a punk like rockish version of ìBurning Upî which may have been when Dana high 5íed me! [Ed. She is totally lying. I DEFINITELY wooo'ed, she's hallucinating the high 5.] ThenÖ its quiet and all of a sudden you hear ìcoooome on girlsÖ do you believe in loveÖ cause I got something to say about itÖ and it goes a little something like thisÖ donít go for second best babyÖ) I almost lost my shit!!! I love ìExpress Yourselfî and she was all ìgirl powerî when she sang it. Then (contrary to past statements from Ms. Madge that she would never sing this song again) she sang ìMaterial Girlî with her guitar and (because you know that the song is so old) asked usÖ YES US to help her. So we all sang along. DANA TOO! [Ed.: True, I did. I like that song.]
3rd Scene: Circus/Flapper outfits
* Hanky Panky
* Deeper & Deeper
* Die Another Day
* The LamentNow, this next set was for DIE HARD fans. Many in the audience did not know ìHanky Pankyî. I did! That is the bomb song!!! It is from Dick Tracy where Madonna played Breathless Mahoney. You knowÖ.. ìI like hanky pankyÖ nothing like a good spankyÖ donít take out your handkerchiefs... I donít wanna cry I just want a hanky panky guyî. I LOVE THAT SONG. I did some ass slappin and finger snapping and a little flapper dancing for that one. Dana basically just watched me. I donít think that she totally got it. Then Madonna sang a slow, sexy, jazzy version of ìDeeper and Deeperî. It pissed Dana off cause she likes the original [Ed.: It pisses me off when people do JAZZY versions of fast songs. Britney did it with her ABORTION of "Oops I Did It Again" and "Crazy". Fuck that shit RIGHT NOW]. I thought that it was a masterpiece. I loved it! Next ? she got all serious and sang ìDie Another Dayî (from James Bond) and did this whole thing where she ended up in an electric chair and was fried BUT not before singing ìThe Lamentî from Evita. It was beautiful! Not to mention a perfect segue between the two songs ? gooooo Esther!
4th Scene: Bedtime Stories Video
Here she showed this cool video of her with some dovesÖ very deepÖ lots of white images. We were all mesmorized (except the assholes behind us and to the sides of us ? but I refuse to talk about them cause it takes away from the awesomeness of the show) [Ed. I was not so mesmorized.]
5th Scene: Black outfit
* Nothing Fails
* Donít Tell Me
* Like a Prayer
* Mother & Father
* Imagine
* Crazy for youThis WAS seriously the best part! First of all, her outfit was dope. She wore a black flare leg pant suit and it just looked bad ass. She started with ìNothing Failsî ? which is an awesome song from American Life and has a gospel thing to it. Then she broke into ìDonít Tell Meî with full on cowgirl dancing! The gay guy next to us was awesome and knew the whole routine! THEN she did ìLike a Prayerî. There are no wordsÖ. A moment of silence pleaseÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ.
ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ It was the best thing that I have seen in my whole 27 years on this earth! There was a black choir (on a screen of course) and clapping and dancing and it was soulful! People were saved during that song! I was saved! It was the BOMB! ThenÖ and this is the only thing that was not AWESOME.. she sang ìMother & Fatherî. I do not love this song. Sure I like itÖ but I donít love it. It may very well be the only Madonna song that I do not love. Itís (shhh) not so great AND she raps again. I totally forgive her for rapping on American Life. I kind of see where she was going with that. The rap on this songÖ not too sure. Next was ìImagineî. Dana cover that with her shitty review . Then ìCrazy for Youî. WHICH WAS FOR US ? her fans ? who have loved her for the past 20 years. She sang to me. It was chilling!
6th Scene: Irish kilts
* Get Into the Groove
* Papa Donít Preach
* Music
* HolidayAnd now, sadly, this was the end. This was the last scene. Again, it was awesome! This bag pipe guy came out and jammed out on his bag pipe (yes it is possible to jam out on a bag pipe ? I saw it with my own eyes). And usually I cannot tolerate Irish musicÖ BUT Madonna hooked it up! She did ìGet into the Grooveî but changed the words to match the Gap commercial (which was ok with me except that I do prefer the original BUT I donít hold it against her). Missy Elliot joined her dressed in a plaid golf outfit (why?) on the back ground screen and mumbled something about ìMissy Elliot is the way to be blah blah blah). Then Madonna started spinning around and took of her shirt to reveal a ìKabbalists do it betterî t-shirt (GET IT ? she wore an ìItalians do it betterî T-shirt in the video with Danny Eillo ? sp? ? she is so fuckin clever ? I love this women). ìPapa Donít Preachî was great ? she danced and sang and I almost cried! Then a DJ came out and turned the stage into a sort of dance club and she did ìMusicî. She wore a wife beater and a kilt and just boogied out. And finally, she brought back that stage that let her walk into the crowd and sang ìHolidayî to the Irish bag pipes. IT WAS INSANE. Confetti everywhere (which really surprised Dana cause she thought that Madonna was not the confetti type ? my Madge is always full of surprises ? another reason why I love her).
The show made me feel high, and American, and happy to be alive and happy that I could share so much musical joy with my unborn child! Remembering it and thinking about it only makes me smile and want to see it again.
Madonna FOEVER!
ANd yet, Madonna did tell us charming little stories, the way Mariah did. And also, was SHE escorted in by the Nation of Islam? I THINK NOT. Where was her Kaballah posse!?!? Huh!?!??! Answer me THAT!!!
You can (and SHOULD) send Nicole some mail about Madonna, or wish her good luck on having a clean, polite, articulate child straight out of the WOMB right here.