February 6
 
 
 
 

Okay, there isn't going to be a song today, because I am an unprepared freak.  Really, what you're all here to know about is my trip to New York to see Steve, formerly of Blue's Clues, now hotshot musician.

If you've been reading me since back in the day, you might remember my potentially catastrophic meeting with Big Head Todd and the Monters.  You'll remember that I was so flusterd, I went up to the sound guy asking for "Big Todd Head".  You remember right?  Okay.  Let it not be said that I am the postergirl for grace under pressure, and I'll continue my story.

After I sent out the notify about going to the show alone, the scintillating Kat volunteered to go with me, and my new best friends Shandy and Doug offered to meet us there.  I'd like to think that I didn't guilt or bully anyone into showing up, but I'm not convinced it'd be the truth, but whatever.  People came with me, and that was all I needed.

After an uneventful drive down from Connecticut ("Listen, fuckers, you need to GET YOUR FOOT OFF THE BREAK AND MOVE because STEVE IS WAITING FOR ME!!!") we arrive at the place, and being fabulous, we walked right in--not so much realizing we were walking into the back door and that they were still closed.  ("I SENSE STEVE IN THE BUILDING!!")  They let us use the bathroom because I was getting the pee shivers, and booted us back out into the cold.

As we wait outside, we eye a Honda Element parked outside.

Kat:  That car is SO FUCKING UGLY, I hate it.  I want to kick it!!!!
Dana:  You TOTALLY SHOULD.  It really IS ugly.
 

Not 15 seconds later, the back door we walked through opens, and out comes STEVE.  I FREAK.  I hiss under my breath "STEVE!!! THAT'S STEVE!!!"  and we watch him walk over to...go ahead--you know what's coming--his Honda Element.  He gives us a look of "Aw, two retarded girls, please don't talk to me", and dissapears back into the club.  Though, now that I'm thinking about it, perhaps the look he gave us was one of pure lust and desire.  I think that might be it.

Shandy and Doug show up like two angels from heaven.  Doug begins harrassing some poor kid on a bike with a light on his head ("Hey! Data! Come here!! RIGHT NOW!!!!!") before we go in and order our drinks and begin the full, balls out stalking of Steve.

Mind you, that morning I stood before my sort of creepily large Domo Kun collection and tried to decide which one I would pass along as my gift, were I in fact able to meet him at the show (note for the uninformed:  Steve has a Domokun on his page in a bunch of pictures, AND a flying DK in one of his videos.  We have something in common!  It is MEANT TO BE).  I chose and all day, lugged around this doll.

We take seats and talk the way 4 people falling in love will talk, and it was pointed out that anytime Kat talked, I scoped the club for Steve, and when I talked, SHE did.  We work well as a team.  Eventually, we ALL started doing it, and when Steve finally materialized in the crowd, I got that BIG TODD HEAD feeling all over again.

Doug, not being shy, grabbed me and was like "GO GIVE HIM THE FUCKING DOLL!!!"  I whispered "I CAN'T!!" and pawed the ground.  He marches me over, and taps Steve on the shoulder.  "SHE HAS SOMETHING FOR YOU".  I thrust out the doll.  He thanks me, but in a way that tells me he's not only not used to getting gifts from fans, but that he also thinks I'm a little bit psychotic.  "CAN SHE TAKE A PHOTO WITH YOU?!?!?!" (Doug, obviously), and Steve nods.

The 4 of us begin a Three Stooges like scramble for my camera, and by the time we get it ready, Steve has walked off.  Does that matter? No! Not at all, because we find him again, and Doug bullies his way between him and the girl he struck up a conversation with (I'm going to assume they were talking about how much he loves me.  BECAUSE THEY WERE) and is like "Ok!! PICTURE TIME!!"

I break into my own story at this point to tell you that before this time, I'd seen Steve only on TV, so I had no idea what he would really look like.  Not to talk shit about my new celebrity boyfriend, but Steve is teeny.  I am not a tall woman without shoes on, but if you factor in the 3.5 inch platforms I was wearing, I TOWERED OVER STEVE LIKE A MONSTER.  I have at least 100 pounds on him.  No worries, though, a guy I can bench press makes me feel strong and virile.  Heh.

Steve puts his arm around me (!), I squat down, he holds out the doll, and there's photographic evidence of our love.

The rest of the show was kind of a blur because I was tweaking about the meeting, AND because he had my doll in his pocket, THEN had the videocamera on it, so it was projected onto a screen behind the stage.  AND he thanked me.  ("HE'S GOT YOUR FUCKING DOLL IN HIS POCKET!!! LOOK, STUPID!!!")

Maybe my giving him a gift, and forcing myself on him for a photograph didn't do it.  Maybe taking a picture of his license plate didn't do it, either.  I'm thinking, though, that my petting his guitar after the show might be the thing that gets me a restraining order in the mail.  Whatver, next time he plays, I'm totally going back, and I'm bringing all of you.
 

Before I wrap this up, I really can not stress enough how cool Doug and Shandy were.  And how we had recorded all of this funny funny stuff with Kat's cell phone for audioblog ("Hi, this is Dana, and I JUST FIGURED OUT BLUES CLUES, YA BITCHES!!!") but she somehow deleted it. And then, how when we were driving back to Connecticut, cat noticed a bumpersticker on a cab about calling 311 if you had questions and proceeded to HARASS THE LIVING SHIT out of these poor schmucks who have the misfortune to be employed as phone answerers for random questions in NYC ("Vhat do you MEAN I can not park there?!?  VHAT DOES THAT SIGN MEAN!??") And how MAYBE I tried to get Doug to run a few lights.  Maybe.

I'm thinking New York might actually put out a restraining order on all of us.
 

Photos are forthcoming, I swear.
 
 

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