May 20
I love May. I love the weather. I love the longer days. I even love the WORD May. MAY!! Arllllight!!!
I hadn't heard from my Nigerian scamming boyfriend in a while, so I decided to write to him:
My Turtledove:
As I sit here on the deck of my boat, I wonder where you are and what you are doing. It has been at least 5 days since I last heard from you. Five long, lonely days. I think dirty thoughts of you and your stallion brother and possibly all of your male sons and cousins and nephews and uncles over the age of 16. Do you wear a lot of animal skins? I find that very arousing. My Dogg, Snoop, tells me that I am nothimg more than a silly little bitch, but I can't help what I find attractive! Can you?
I am anxious to know why you haven't contacted me regarding our arrangement. All of the money I have inherited is weighing deeply on me. Perhaps there is someone else in Nigeria I could better serve with my new fortune? Clearly, you are no longer interested in dealing with me. That is too bad. I was going to invite you to my next party! The theme is "Wild Animals I'd Like to DO HARD". I am going to dress up as a Rabbit. Do you know why? Because rabbits get done OFTEN. If you know what I mean. Please let me know if you do not understand my
American slang. I would hate to think that our relationship was doomed from the beginning because you were not understand the words I am typing.Do you have a wife? Is she lovlier than I? Do her loins cry out for you at night when you mount her like a savage animal, as my Dogg, Snoop does me? I cry out for you, Senator. I cry out for YOU. Or, at the very least, your brothers, nephews, Uncles, cousins or sons. All at once. ALL AT ONCE. Do you know what a gang bang is, Senator? If you do not know, here is a definition: It is my DREAM COME TRUE.
You can be MY dream come true, Senator. Will you let me be yours? Are you man enough? We have a saying in America "One hand washes the other". I would like to wash your hands, and other things, WITH MY NAUGHTY BITS.
Well, that's enough from me now. I must go. I'm having a colonic to ready my body for accepting your seed.
I wanna be your cowgirl,
Miss E.
Apparently, the Senator isn't too bright, because I keep ASKING him to resend me that bogus form he wants me to fill out, and he keeps telling me I haven't filled out the form:
Date:Ý Wed, 19 May 2004 13:27:19 -0700 (PDT)
From:Ý victor oyofor <senator_vicoyofor68@yahoo.com>
To:Ý dana@bobofett.com
Subject:Ý I AM FINE AND OKAY ON YOUR SIDE.Dear Miss Eliot,
Ý
Good day. How are you doing today and how is everything with you now, I am so surprised to received your mail today, because I found out that you are feeling reluctant to fill the application form and send it to me for the completion of this transaction.
Ý
Though I have been on the lookout for someone else that is more serious and reliable enough to assist me in transferring my money US$10 Million to his Bank Account, but I have not found one yet, if you feel you are still interested in doing this transfer transaction with me, I will want you to fill the application form and send it back to me.
Ý
As per our relationship, I am still very much interested in you and wish to bring you out of loneliness and show what love is all about, and if you want to have the feelings of a real man then come to me with your open heart for me.
Ý
Please keep me informed of your final decision today as soon as you received this email message. Keep fit and take good care of yourself.
Ý
I am waiting to hear from you soonest.
Ý
Thanks.
Ý
With Love,
Ý
Senator Victor Oyofor.
Ý
My Sexy Senator:
It is early morning in America. The sun is rising. It is glistening off the naked bodies of my friends who've just now gotten to sleep from last night's festivities. Everyone wanted to party and who am I to say no? I believe that one or two new relationships were formed in the wee small hours! I just LOVE love. Don't you? As I step over the bodies to reach my minibar for a breakfast quaalude, I realize that you have not re-sent the form!
Senator, I have asked you in our previous two emails for you to RESEND THE FORM. I no longer have it!! I am ANXIOUS to fill it out. I am ANXIOUS for you to fill me up, if you know what I mean.
I have also asked you repeatedly for more photographs. Why do you deny me? I sent you a photograph of me. Did you not find me attractive?? Here's what I'm saying, Victor--I'd like to get to know ya so I can show ya. Put the pussy on ya like I told ya. Please gimme all your numbers so I could phone ya!! Your girl acting stank? Then call me over!
Not on the bed, lay me on your sofa! (Do you have a sofa?)
Phone before you come, I need to shave my chocha! (you know what a chocha is, don't you Victor? A man of your breeding and class has undoubtedly eaten many chochas.)I even lost a few pounds in my waist for ya. I did, Victor. I confess. The thrill of meeting you (combined with my steady diet of roofie coladas) has made the weight FLY OFF. My heart beats with you, Victor. My heart beats with you.
So again, please resend the form. Please, please hurry. I'm almost there. Almost. ALMOST. Yes. YES!!!!!!
Ra ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta!
I love you.
Miss E.
PS: My Dogg, Snoop is away. I am very, very lonely.
the other day - home - email - soon