July 17
RAAAAR!!! Did you miss me? I was off, picking up my friends. Sure, they look like me, but they are not me. Only I am me. Someone was all like "Look!! Look at that, that's something you don't see a lot, three identical monsters!!" I didn't have the heart to tell them that there are four of us, but one stayed behind. Really, he didn't stay behind. He wriggled out of someone's arms and ran away to eat people on his own. He'll be around at another time. Raarr!!
Here I am, talking to my friends, showing them around. Showing them how fun and wonderful it is to be a monster here in the good old US of A! And we are not cute, none of us. We're monsters. So, don't call us cute. I've been to Mexico. I will do some Mexican Hat Dance Monster Moves on you. Raaar!! Don't tempt me!
He is a little monster, but he is SO CRAZY, he has to be kept on a leash. On the way to this country, we were all sitting on the airplane, and I said "Miss. Miss. MISS. Fetch me a drink, there's a good little girl!" and I waved my arms around. She bent down to me and said "Awww, the little waving armed monster wants something to drink!" and up until that time my little friend here was sleeping and when he heard that, do you know what he did? I think you might. He jumped up and ran at her as fast as he could run and he...well, you know what he did. Right, right! He ATE her. The whole LADY!! From feet to hair!! When all the other people started gathering round, he started chewing on THEM, too!! He went from person to person and ATE little pieces of each of them. A knee from one guy. An ear from another. Some teeth off kid. It was pretty cool, but everyone was all "Aaarrghh!! Aarrgghh!! THIS TINY POCKET SIZED MONSTER IS EATING ME!! MAKE IT STOP!! MAKE IT STOP!!!" So, when we finally got to the United States, we had to run off the plane as fast as we could because of the ambulances and police and FBI waiting for us. We leapt into the waiting car and next thing, here we are. Four (remember, one of us slipped away...) monsters sitting around a table, eating some pizza, talking the good old days back in the Old Country. Anyhoo, we decided that it would be best to leash up a tiny monster as crazy as this one. Monsters are all for eating people, but not in LITTLE TINY BITES.
Man, he's got a lot to say for kind of a small monster. That's why I lined him up here and was like "Hey! Look over there!" and when he looked, I was all "RAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!" He got so scared he fell on the floor. He denies that he was scared, but he was. I can tell. The little, little monster said that he had to go to the bathroom, so we let him off his leash. Uh. Wait. he's been gone for a long time. Raaar!! We need to go look for him. Be back soo---well, wait a minute. I'm a MONSTER. I'm BIG! I'm SCARY! I don't have to tell you where I'm going and when I'll be back!! RAAR!! A monster answers to NO MAN!! RAAR!!! I'll be BACK when I GET BACK and that's all there is to it!
I also got cards, purses, pencils, notepads, key chains, cell phone toppers and a mousepad. You're jealous, I know. That's okay. Everyone needs to be jealous of SOMETHING. You can be jealous of my bounty of Turdmonster Goods.