January 5
20 Things I Did Not Do In 2004:
1.) Write a book. Honestly, I didn't even give it a passing thought, except for as a joke with Doug. I'm not telling you the title of our book, though because you sensitive people might be offended.
2.) Learn HTML. Every year I kind of pretend I'm interested in biting the bullet and sometimes I even open an HTML book and hunker down at the computer, but then I see all the weird parenthetical information and I catch cancer right away, so I put it away before the cancer spreads. Better I DON'T know HTML and remain cancer free.
3.) Learn to drive a stick shift. That will probably carry over into my 2005 list.
4.) Pay off all of my credit card debt. But I did pay off a few, so take THAT Apple Computer. Both my laptop and my iPod are mine. I should point out that I didn't think I was going to pay off all my debt because I am an irresponsible turd. I realized this morning that I'd forgotten to pay my student loan for the past two months. Go, me!
5.) See a band/musician in concert I was really passionate about. Where art thou, Radiohead? Where you hiding, Tom Waits? And sure, I went to see the Zambonis over Thanksgiving weekend and they DID in fact have a guy in a hockey monkey costume which pleased me a great deal, as does the fact that there's a band out there playing nothing but songs about hockey (True. Google them. They're really kind of awesome!) but still.
6.) Find a new job. I wasn't really looking. Who knows, 2005 might change all that! When I become! A famous! Ninja! Superhero! (or get super sick of grants and just bail)
7.) Go to a gym, even once. Nope, not EVEN ONCE. But things are moving ahead with that! Today, just three short hours ago, I joined a gym! Hells yeah! I look skinny, right? I thought so.
8.) Win a bitchload of money gambling. Odds are in my favor here, because seriously, I have to win EVENTUALLY. Even if I don't, I win free drinks and in the long run, that's good enough for me.
9.) Witness a plane crash. I always keep my eyes open. If you've ever been in the car with me when I drive past an airport you can attest to the fact that I am pretty much worthless. I can't look away. When they fly over my car all low and lumbery, I'm done for.
10.) Gone to Vegas. And that's just wrong, so I'm not going to say anymore about it.
11.) Figured out the big deal about Lindsey Lohan. I mean, come on. Can someone explain her appeal? I'm truly at a loss.
12.) Attempt to make stock. Every cookbook tells me I need to have some homemade stock frozen, all ready to pop out and make some fancy meal for a crowd, but I just haven't been able to get off my ass and do it. Remember, all fancy meals start with a stock. Or so I hear.
13.) Wear makeup. I can count on one hand the times I bothered to put it on, and they were all for Occasions.
14.) Figure out some kind of style. I wear jeans to work every day. Jeans and a sweater. The end. I am a slob.
15.) Memorize anything. Jay Z lyrics don't count.
16.) Go to a museum. I'm an uncultured boob. I saw a play, so maybe I get a half point there.
17.) Stop looking for (and buying) monkey art from self-representing artists on Ebay.
18.) Muster up any like for Christopher Reeve. I know. I KNOW. I'm a bad person, but I maintain that he was creepy when he was Superman, he was creepy when he had someone painting on his eyebrows and I'm sure he's zipping around heaven in his wheelchair scaring the fuck out of people. Because he scared the fuck out of me. There you go.
19.) Learn to knit anything other than a scarf. But I learned to knit a scarf, and that's something right? RIGHT?
and
20.) I didn't cause any disasters. Natural or otherwise. Nope. I didn't kill anyone with negligence or via vehicular homicide. I didn't cause a typhoon or spread a plague. I didn't cough on anyone or spread germs intentionally. I didn't start a fire on someone's farm. I didn't will a commercial jet out of the air for my own amusement (note: not for lack of trying. Honestly, I'd be okay with a pilotless Fed Ex plane. It's not the death of PEOPLE I require, because that's just fucked up).
There you go! Next time, 20 things I'd like to do in 2005. Or maybe 20 things I DID do in 2004. Depending on my mood.
Oh, and by the way, you should go look at my flickr site, because I went to the National Zoo in DC on New Year's Eve and took fun photos of animals!