October 1
 
 
 

 

The Weekend, Etc:

Sure, I've done some stuff between the last time I wrote and now.  I mean, there was the end of the strike! And the whole trip to Atlantic City with Nicole! I was actually kind of waiting to talk about it, simply because there's video, and the whole concept of the video was really funny, but it seems that she and I aren't going to be able to get it from her laptop to my laptop.  Trust me, it was a scream, if only because you'd have gotten to see me FREAK OUT behind the wheel, in a traffic jam leading up to the George Washington Bridge.  Ahem.
 

What you can't see:  The fact that she changed outfits BETWEEN EVERY SONG.  That the woman sitting next to Nicole is SOBBING with excitement.  That Donald Trump is in the audience.  That Mariah was escorted in by guys from the Nation of Islam. That I am being kicked by a cranky little girl.  That I had a bowl of soup for lunch, and the soup contained the most gigantic matzo ball I have ever seen (also, the ONLY matzo ball Nicole has ever seen).  That we spent several horrible, sad hours walking the boardwalk in search of fun that never happened.  That there are still PENNY AND TWO CENT SLOTS.  That Taj Mahal--nay, ALL the casinos along the boardwalk made me want to put out my own eyes.  If I was a better person, I'd have more photos than this.  Alas.  The ones I have are kind of atrocious. Sorry.  Better luck next time.*
 
 

So, Mariah.  If you're on my not-so-exciting notify, you'd know that I learned a valuble lesson at the show, which was as follows:  I don't know a single Mariah Carey song.  I mean, sure.  I know a few words here and there ("Dream lover! Come walk my way! Doo doo dee doo!!") but overall, I know nothing about her music, and that seems to be for the best.

All things considered, we had a really nice time (even factoring in the flat tire I got on the Atlantic City Expressway AND that Nicole didn't win a penny.  I mean, I had a fabulous time, but I came home with more money than I'd started with and THEN SOME)

*Would you think I was a gambling freak if I told you I was going back to the same hotel on November 1st?  Because there's a fun weekend planned!  The ever lovely Jessie, the Uberhottie Kerry and I are taking advantage of a free room (that's how they got me, you see--I've never gotten a free room ANYWHERE, and just like that, they send me one!), and spending the weekend.  There won't be Mariah, but you know, it'll still be good.  It's our Anti-Journalcon.  Take THAT.  We'll see you at the slot machines.  Or at the spa.  We WON'T see you on the boardwalk, probably, because it's kind of horrible.
 

The Spam:

Delivered-To: dana@bobofett.com
From: "Connie Crum"
To: dana@bobofett.com
Subject: Supersize your C~0~C~K
Date: Thu, 02 Oct 2003 11:57:26 +0000
X-Priority: 3

Are you happy with the size of your penis?
Click here to gain 1 - 3 inches, GUARANTEED!
 

The Conversation:
 

danaful:  You know, CONNIE CRUM is telling me that I need to supersize my cock!!
JazmineLee: wow!
JazmineLee: maybe you do!
JazmineLee: it's hard to believe, considering how SUPER your cock is already!
JazmineLee: but maybe!
danaful: Maybe I DO, but I don't really think it's her business!!
danaful: I mean, I'm kind of sensitive!!
JazmineLee: good point!
danaful: I dont tell CONNIE CRUM that she gives lousy head!
danaful: Or that her tits are too smalL!!!
danaful: I just take that as part of who she is!!!
danaful: I'm insulted!!
danaful: I think I should break up with her
danaful: I mean, if I'm not MAN ENOUGH to satisfy!!!
JazmineLee: tell connie to suck MY dick, if she needs some dick to suck!!!!
danaful: Maybe YOU'RE big enough for her!!!
danaful: MAYBE YOU HAVE THE MONSTER MEAT SHE REQUIRES!!!!!!
JazmineLee: hard to believe though, since you are monstrous!
danaful: Me and my three little thumbs will just sit in the corner and sulk!!!
JazmineLee: your three little thumbs?
JazmineLee: heh
danaful: But there are more women out there!!
danaful: More fish to fry!!!
danaful: She has that weird smell, anyhow!!
danaful: Like mashed peas and cornstarch!!!
JazmineLee: ew, that's not a good smell!
danaful: I KNOW, so who the hell is SHE to be talking about me needing a bigger cock!?!?!?!!?!
JazmineLee: she's NOBODY!
danaful: At least I BATHE
JazmineLee: you even wash your HAIR!
danaful: I do!!
danaful: More than once a week, unlike HER
danaful: Tell me straight, please.
danaful: Am I big enough to satisfy!?!?!?
JazmineLee: you ARE!
JazmineLee: you are PLENTY!
danaful: Okay, because coming from you that means a lot.
danaful: Damn that CONNIE, with her nagging ways!!!
JazmineLee: you are big enough to satisfy ANY woman!
JazmineLee: maybe connie is a man in disguise???
danaful: I know, I know
danaful: You know, i wondered about the adam's apple.
danaful: I don't go around sending people mail about how their ARUA insults me!
danaful: No, I do not!!
danaful: Gah. I  wish I'd never met that Connie Crum.
JazmineLee: of course you don't! you're not FUCKING RUDE, like Connie!!!
JazmineLee: she is bad news, and a bad lay, besides!
danaful: She was the worst VD clinic pickup EVER.
 
 

the other day   -   home   - email   -   tomorrow

Oh! And providing a little bit of sad Atlantic City related closure is sexy reader Cat Sparkle (it's impossible for me to believe that someone named Cat Sparkle is not sexy), who sent me this email:

I'm betting you didn't see the woman who played the electric piano with herÝtongue when you went to AC this time. It's a safe bet, I think, because she's been dead quite a while now.ÝWhat happened was, she and her attendantsÝwere in the habit of taking her motorized gurney down the middle of the street (like, right down the yellow line.) I don't know why they did this, since the sidewalks all have curb cuts. Anyway, one day she was hit by two cars andÝdied. Her relatives brought a suit (don't ask me what the basis was),Ýbut I believe they later droppedÝit.

Her name was Celestine Tate, and she actually had a very interesting history. Her mother was an unwed 16 year-old who tried to abort her with a coat hanger. Although I'm skeptical of the claim, her condition, which was very rare,Ýwas supposedly attributed to that. Her mother was an addict, andÝher childhood was truly gruesome.ÝShe survived it, though, and ended up having two children of her own. The State tried to take the first child away, but there was a pretty dramatic scene in court where she demonstrated how she cared for her (changing her diaper,Ýetc.) with only her teeth.ÝShe ended up keeping custody. Eventually she got married (she hadn't married theÝfathers of herÝtwo children) and she and her husband adopted an older child. She was apparentlyÝquite self-sufficient, consideringÝ- she liked toÝcook, and was also very religious. She made a pretty good living for herself playing on the Boardwalk, although theÝCity tried to stop her for years and brought lots of charges against her before ultimately settling.

She was well-known locally; I know the story because I worked in AC forÝyears. It's all true - IÝcouldn't make this stuff up.ÝJust thought you might be interested.
 
 

Thank you, Cat Sparkle.  And really, THANK YOU, Celestine Tate.  You rocked the piano with your tounge like nobody's business.

Here are some links:

Here.

And also here.

and if you're REALLY posessed by needing to know, go here.  If you decide to buy the book, you need to loan it to me when you're through.