February 5
I guess I do have this expression on my face more often than I'd like to admit. The brown and white thing behind me is the little garage.
Warning:
If you're sensitive about this type of thing, I suggest you go somewhere else. Don't bother sending me hate mail, because I'll delete it and not reply. With that being said, here goes.
Cats:
I fucking hate cats. I hate all cats. Yes, I hate your cat, too. I know it's your little schmoopy woopie and it greets you at night and sleeps on your head and whateverthefuck cute little cat thing it does. I don't give a shit. I hate them. However: I am never, ever mean to them. There's a huge difference between hating and kicking. If a cat saunters over to me for a pet, I will pet it. I just don't like the things.
We have a little garage where the Porsche sleeps in pieces. Last summer, a mother cat gave birth on the floor of the car. It was lovely and cute and we fed the mother cat and set water out until she moved them. Fine. No problem. The male cat (dubbed "The Impregnator", by me) still lives in there.That's okay, it's fucking cold out. I've been setting out food and water. So, I'm not mean or evil or wicked. I'm just making this point crystal clear so that outraged cat owners don't jump up my ass: I'm never cruel to animals. (yes, Mister Smarty Pants, I do kill insects, don't be a dick)
This afternoon, the dogs were out in the yard as they usually are while we eat. I start hearing strange noises. Nick goes to the back door, the dogs skulk in. Jessie, the old black dog is crying softly. He hops onto the sofa. Bleeding. Fucking cats. We call the animal hospital. They tell us not to worry, to clean out the wounds with peroxide, use neosporin, he'll be fine.
I go into the kitchen to make coffee. Grayson follows me. I look down at her and notice her lip. Bleeding. Fucking cats. I'd never had a real solid reason to not like cats before. I just didn't like them. "But they're so smart and aloof! Dogs are dumb and needy!" I've heard every possible line from cat owners. Cats are icky and weird, and in my secret heart of hearts I find people who own cats a little bit odd.
"But my cat, Fluffikins would never do something as mean as attack a dog unless s/he was being tortured!" I don't fucking care. I still hate your cat.
"But I have a kitten! s/he's really cute and friendly and licks people's ears and plays with cute little kitten toys all day long!" That's fucking super. I'm not arguing that cats are cute. Nor would I turn away if your kitten wanted to play. Doesn't mean I want to take it home with me, and it certainly doesn't mean that I don't hate it.
"My cat, Kierkegaard-" Screw you, I hate cats with pompous names more than I hate regular cats.
"My cat saved my life! The building was on fire and s/he mewed and mewed and mewed until I woke up!" Wow! You have a hero cat. Congratulations. There, to my knowledge is no such thing as a seeing eye cat nor are there cats used to find people buried in rubble. There really aren't too many drug sniffing cats, either.
This is not to say I do not appreciate a good, useless pet. Remember, I have lesbian rabbits.
"My cat is always there for me!!" Your problem is massive. Make a friend.
"Dogs are needy and you have to walk them and bathe them and they smell funny and they climb all over you!" Dogs ARE needy. Dogs also supply you with unconditional love. They stare out the window looking for your car. Each time you come home from work, they greet you ecstatically, like you were gone for 40 years. Cats smell worse. Yes, they do. Trust me.
So, I don't like cats. I have a lot of friends who have cats. I don't like their cats either. I'm not selective in my cat dislike. I just don't like fucking cats. Especially cats who fuck with dogs.
The Damage:
I don't exactly know why she's lying there like she's dead, but there you go.
He's a little more banged up, though you can't really tell from the photo. One of the fucking cats grabbed onto his ear, which was bleeding pretty badly. I'm more pissed that the fucking cats got him than the white dog. He's old and certainly doesn't fucking need fucking cat germs.
If you don't hate me, I'll see you tomorrow.
