November 3
Table Talk With Dana's Family. Thursday, November 2:
Mom: Wow, this is delicious!
Gramma: Ehh..
Dana: What? You don't think so? I think it's great!
Gramma: It's all right...
Mom: Well, I've been like a little piggie eating three bowls of it!
Gramma: God bless you! Eat! I'm glad you like it!
Dana: (working to get marrow out of bone..) It's really good.
Mom: Do you want my marrow too?
Gramma: You EAT that?
Mom: She always has! Always, since she was a little girl.
Dana: It's true, I have.
Gramma: Really?
Dana: Yeah, I have but honestly I don't know why.
Gramma: What do you mean?
Dana: Because I can't eat it without thinking of Leukemia.
DEAD HALTING SILENCE.
Dana: WHAT? It's TRUE! Marrow. You know...
EVERYONE STARES AT DANA, FORKS HELD HALFWAY TO MOUTHS
Dana: WHAT? Like you all never think anything gross! What do YOU think when you think marrow?
Mom: Dana, that 's DISGUSTING!
Dana: Excuse me, but look around the table. Where did I get my personality from? Who taught me? I
am the sum of the three of YOU! I am ALL YOUR FAULT!! You have no one to blame but yourselves!!
Gramma: You can't blame leukemia on me.
Mom: You can't blame it on me, either. I would never think such a disgusting thing.
Dana: Okay, sure. From whom did I learn the expression "Poop Chute"? Did I invent "POOP CHUTE" on
my own? No. I learned it from MY MOTHER. And you pretend not to understand why I think the way I do.
Man..
Mom: WHAT?? WHAT??? Those FOUL WORDS have NEVER BEEN UTTERED BY MY ANGELIC,
PRISTINE, CHERUBIC--
Dana: Wholesome, don't forget wholesome..
Mom: WHOLESOME, good one! WHOLESOME lips!! Never!! I have NEVER SAID THAT!!
Dana: I have only one mother, and she taught me POOP CHUTE.
Mom: DANA!!
Dana: What? Everyone has one.
Gramma: No, that's true. We are all equipped with a Poop Chute.
Mom: ARRHH!
Dana: See? Your disgusting language has corrupted your own mother!! She was so innocent!
Mom: Never. In. My. LIFE have I ever said POOPCHUTE!
Dana: Oh, WHATEVER. Look how easily the word rolls off your tongue. You are a poopchuter from way
back when.
Gramma: Come to think of it, I do remember that you've said POOPCHUTE before.
Mom: I NEVER!
Dana: Wait, this is getting away from something.
Gramma: What's that?
Dana: That marrow makes me think of Leukemia!
Grampa: What the hell are you all talking about??
Dana: HEL-LO! We are talking about the stock market! Pay attention!
Grampa: The STOCK MARKET?
Gramma: We were not. We were talking about our daughter's filthy mouth.
Grampa: Oh. Well.
Dana: You know, I'm embarrassed by all of you. I'm leaving. It's a miracle child services never took me
away from you people.
Gramma: They wouldn't dare! Their Poop Chutes would fall out!
Dana: I rest my case. I am clearly the fruit of your collective loins.