June 18
 

I sent out email to my notify list, informing everyone that Sexy Wendy  asked me (and some other people, lest you think I am TOO special) to do some guest blogging on her site while she's off at a fancy writers retreat.  I should clarify:  the retreat is not for fancy writers, but it is ITSELF a fancy retreat.  Maybe it is for fancy writers.  I don't know.  But I have no doubt she will live to regret asking me because I tend to find amusement in the tiniest of details and if I was the kind of person who was smart enough to know how to deal with a blog of my own, I would update the fucker every 20 minutes all day every day ("10:15:  Just drank some water.  Very Refreshing!!!  10:20:  Went to the bathroom!! Why don't people double flush!?!? Nasty fuckers").
 
 
 
 

I also mentioned that I was going to be doing an all photo entry, which I am RIGHT NOW.  I warn you, the photos are kind of...well...I don't know.  You judge for yourselves.  Maybe BORING is the word I'm looking for.  I tried to capture myself in a regular day.  Could it be that my regular days SUCK?
 
 

I LOVE WORK.  It's true.  It's too bad you can't really see the postcard from Atlantic City, because the saucy ladies are TOPLESS.
 
 
 
 

When I came back from vacation, the ducks were lined up all over my keyboard and computer.  What you can't see is that they're amassing  money.  I think they're going to make a break for it as soon as they have enough, because they're not going to get far with 18 cents and a peso.
 
 
 
 

This is Phil.  He sits behind me.  He's my friend and we IM nasty things about work to one another throughout the day (note to potential readers at work:  1.)  I'm just kidding about the IM, I would never misuse company time and 2.)  We never say nasty things about YOU.  Probably).  To Phil, a good day is when they play the theme from Star Wars 15 times on Internet Radio.
 
 
 
 

 

Looking out the window.  Please notice the giant metal trees.  Know that they ripped out about six REAL trees to plant metal ones.  A great way to cut costs!!!  You have to WATER real trees.  Metal ones?   Never!!!
 
 
 
 

 

I'm sort of realizing that between my topless chick postcard and my mug, I might actually be unwittingly sexually harassing others.
 
 
 
 

Since this is a new building,  there are new trees.  Someone scratched these into one of the new trees.  Why?  Why hurt a baby tree??  That seems wrong.
 
 
 
 

Guess what the building on the left is?  Give up?  If you guessed MENTAL INSITUTION, you'd be right.  It's a serious one, too.  People go in but they do not come out.  There's a grassy area out on one side, so the kookoos can pace around and smoke furiously and it's fenced in with a 15 foot barred steel fence.  The best thing that ever happened when I was walking past one day is that some guy slipped his kookoo keeper and came flying to the fencee and screamed at me "I SEE JESUS WHEN I PEE!!!! I SEE JESUS WHEN I PEEE!!!!!!! AAAAHHH IT BURNS!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!"  I was formulating my reply when the keeeper came and pried him away.  Which is kind of good, because I was drawing a snappy comeback blank.
 
 
 
 
 

That's right! I park next to a dumpster.  I pay 80 dollars a month to share a space with garbage.   Who is luckier than me?
 
 
 
 

Grayson.  So pretty. So bad.
 
 
 
 

A monkey! A man! A dog!!!
 
 
 
 

Grayson loves Nick more than it is reasonable for a dog to love a human being.  I mean, she likes me allright, but she looooves him.  She drapes herself over him in embarrassing ways.  She shoves me out of the way to sleep in bed next to him.  She stands in his lap.  I have to be holding a snack to get her attention, usually.
 
 
 

I am hotstuff.  You know it.
 
 
 
 
 

Hah! I didn't see that the Dude Who Lives in My Car was in the photo, but HE IS.  Ahh, I love him.  Turdmonster is sprawled in the back seat, but I haven't been able to figure out a way to get him to stand up.  Anyhow, I drive this road about a million times a week.  Central Avenue.  Uh huh!
 
 
 
 
 

Can you read this shit?  "A person is a person, no matter how small!!!"  This car is one big pro-life slogan  There are also stickers INSIDE the car, up the sides and in front.  It infuriates me every time I see it, so one day I saw the woman getting in and I gave her the finger.  She waved back at me because I don't think she knew that I was giving her the finger, and I felt kind of bad because she was old and lumpy and clearly insane.  She was wearing a hat with a bird on it.  A BIRD.  A GIANT STUFFED BIRD.  Uh huh.  Whatever.  Prolifers piss me off.
 
 
 
 
 

So, there you have it.  Aren't you glad I was unleashed with a camera?
 
 

Have a great weekend!
 
 

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