June 22
Once again, all the hot action is on my mailing list. I was going through a bunch of my old stuff yesterday--papers from college, photos, postcards, my old zine "Cheese", when I found a bunch of poems I'd written from about 1982-1987 (I don't count the poems I wrote in college and beyond. Some of those didn't suck at all). I shared one last night, a moving little ditty called "SHADES OF RED", wherein trees bend for ME, kids play with kites for ME and I list a whole lotta different shades of red. Vagina poem, anyone?
Anyhow, without further ado, cuddle your Care Bears close, crank up the Smiths and come along with me, on our Wild Ride Through My Youth. (Note: I haven't corrected any spelling. Not that I do much better now...)
You Can't Turn Back. 17 November (this one doesn't have a year.)
The citys streets
are long
and unpredictable
on another
saturday night
But I sense something
new.
There is a strange
light
rising up from
the sidewalk
and I feel as though
people are pulling mepulling me away
from something-
yet I don't know
what it is.
Warning voices
are calling as I start
to run. You can't turn
back.
You can't turn back.
Whew!! That one was some pretty heady stuff. Let's move on.
Untitled. May 24, 1985, 8:15 pm (heh!)
how can i---
alone
reach you?
There are people who
are willing to help us
along--
but I accept no help from outsiders.
Its you I want to touch the
most
and its you
thats the most
untouchable.
If I could only reach
out--
to see
what would you say??
I might stop the confusion
the anguish + all of the
pain, that I now take,
as part of
you.
WOWZA. It seems wrong that I never won a PRIZE or something, doesn't it??
10 July 1983
In the air,
the dreams fly like
birds in the cold winter
sky
Determined,
we fight lazy, selfish impulses
to be the center of
attention
and work hard to break down the barriers
and be a family
united--
if not by
BLOOD
then with words
and work
and hope
for a future that
will benefit
for always.
Jesus CHRIST. What does that even MEAN? What was I talking about?? Oh, and in case you're wondering, these are all written in a fat, messy loopy print because I had bad handwriting then and I have bad handwriting NOW.
Now THIS ONE--man, if you're a cutter or happen to abuse pills or something, you might want to skip it, because it may be a trigger.
No Title. No Date. It's signed, though. Har!
Inside my mind--
things are only
hollow
and thoughts;
thoughts
are not
how I'm told
they should be
they
are
painful;
to the point
of a complete
breakdown.
Standtill,
stop time
I escape
only with the
help of a
nurse in white,
and a small white
pill.
COME ALIVE
if i dare
face my own
future.
Can I hold the future
in my own hands
or will my future be an endless array of
cold white nurses,
long bleak corridors
and endless, sleepless nights.
I hope you noticed that I busted out the inappropriate semicolon there, but couldn't muster up a question mark to answer my questions at the end. That was pretty harrowing. I'm glad I made it through the rain, there.
I'm sort of sad that all of these don't have titles.
11 July 1984
The day blossomed
bright
and cool
perfect air
for all of my goals.
Looking around with a well trained
EYE
I see that all the
colours that
I am made up of
are
surrounding me.
You like how I spelled COLORS? The most pretentious spelling possible for a dumb girl from Brooklyn! Also, doesn't this sound a little like a horrible acid trip? 'DUDE! THE COLORS ARE SURROUNDING ME!!!' As far as I know, I did not drop acid when I was 13. I was FIFTEEN. (kidding!)
No date, no title. This must have been something I just jotted off as an afterthought!
your warm eyes
tease
and flirt.
You set yourself
apart from everyone
else in my heart.
you made me your
own person
I could not object
you make my days come
alive - each dawn is birthed
new and exciting.
Was I writing about the lead singer of A Flock of Seagulls or Depeche Mode or something? It's entirely possible!!
20 April 1994
Deep looks
smiling on the outside
happy all the
way through
some people pass--
lightly waving.
No one can break the revire
that we share
No one wants to
face the pain
of life;
love;
death.There is NO mortal
in this love
Ever moment is
eternal--
frozen
locked in time
A shot
in my mind.
All love is life giving
nesessary for each heartbeat.
For my heart dare not
live without
you.
Allright, I don't want to give them all to you at the same time, so here's one more. Hold onto your flip up sunglasses and hunker down!
Forever. To Tracey & Joe.
December 20, 1984
I was walking down my
block
and I felt your presence
within me
I had to stop,
and wait,
for the feeling to pass.
You know that when
you touch me,
I have no doubts,
I feel no regreets
In my mind,
I am so devoted,
there is no turning back
you are my live,
FOREVER
till death
do us part.
Together we are one,
In Spirit.
In Love.
apart, you take on new
dimensions
You seem kinder,
wiser.
If someday
we don't feel the same
way,
I want you to come back,
sit down
and read this poem
which is dedicated to you.
TO US.
Then, it goes on to add:
This poem, is dedicated to my best friend Tracey, and her boyfriend Joe. I hope they live a long life together, because they are really in love....
FOREVER..........
It seems to me that there was a lot of inappropriate touching going on between Tracey (that's TRACEY KAHLER and JOE GRIMALDI in case they ever Google themselves. Tracey was the first person I ever got drunk with, and I spilled a bucket of vomit all over her sister's bed. Oh YEAH!) and Joe. Anyhow, I hope it worked out for them and they got married just like they'd talked about in 1984. I'd like to think they did.
I bet you guys didn't know I was deep RIGHT FROM THE GETGO! I also hope you know that I've been CRACKING UP as I type these. If you're not on the mailing list and you're afraid that you're missing out because you didn't get to read THE RED POEM, shoot me some email.
Yours
in
LOVE FOREVER,dana
PS: Please note that my email seems to be busted, so if you want to get in touch with me--at least for today---please mail me here.
the other day - home - email - tomorrow