May 28
Arrgh. My sexy Senator's last email stumped me. I'm not afraid to admit it. I mean, how the hell do I TOP that?? HOW? The answer is, I just don't think I can. I might have to wait until I get another Nigerian Spammer to play with, and just let the Senator go. Sometimes love hurts. Knowing when to say goodbye is an important part of the maturing and healing process. This, of course, is all subject to change because really, it was SUCH AN AWESOME mail that I feel weird leaving it hanging out there in the virtual world without an answer. I'm sure if I think about it, I'll come up with a fitting reply. God bless you, Sexy Senator. You rocked our worlds. Also, when we read the news report about Missy Eliot running off to Africa to hookup with her new husband, I really hope they'll ask me to be in the wedding because I feel like I played a tremendous part of it all.
I'm going to Myrtle Beach next weekend. Since I found out that I was going, a few things have transpired to really tweak me out about going. You all know of my love of plane crashes. It's a documented fact. I love them. However, my love of the plane crash, as creepy and weird as it is--is a very SPECIFIC kind of love. I don't like looking at photographs of the planes all smashed to smithareens on the ground. I am not interested in seeing the boneless limbs of people smeared in trees. What I LIKE is seeing the big airplanes hit the ground like broken birds. ALL IN ONE PIECE. I can't explain why I love it, but we've gone over that (remember my fascination with planes ditching in water? Same thing. Oh, and look here and here. AAAHHHH!!!)
I bought tickets about 2 weeks ago. That night, there was a plane crash. Then, all of the renewed scary "THERE IS GOING TO BE A TERRORIST ATTACK!!" messages from delightful John Ashcroft. (Can I offer an aside, here? I just don't think that vague, scary mixed messages like "SOMETHING HORRIBLE IS GOING TO HAPPEN SOMEWHERE IN AMERICA!! PROBABLY ON THE EAST COAST!!! AAAHHHH!! But, again!! We have no real hard evidence to prove this, so don't YOU worry!!!" are sort of unhelpful and only serve to freak me the fuck out. The Repblican Convention is going to be in NYC. The Democratic Convention is going to be in Boston. That leaves Connecticut to be the meat in the APOCOLYPSE SANDWICH. When all the New Yorkers flee North and the Bostonians flee South, I imagine some tragic meeting at my house of angry people from large, Eastern cities trying to steal my water and bandages while I stand in my yard with my dogs and my stuff that no one wanted. And not to alienate my readers from other parts of the United States, but WHY THE FUCK IS IT ALWAYS THE EAST COAST??? There's a WHOLE BIG COUNTRY out there!!! Go scare some other states for a change. Ahem. That's really all I have to say about that. My eyes are on YOU, California.)
ANYHOW, since I bought the tickets, there has been a plane crash--then ANOTHER, right here in Connecticut. Then, the History Channel ran "Modern Marvels: PLANE CRASHES" (please note: it WAS sort of marvelous, the way NASA practice crashes planes!!). THEN, this morning I checked cnn.com, and found this. You know, I'm not a really nervous flyer, but I'm thinking that if I was on a plane and looked out the window and noticed that we were being escorted down by fighter jets, I might, in fact poop my pants.
Why is the news brimming with plane tragedy? I have not ONE flight to take (Hartford---Philly, Philly---Myrtle Beach=2 flights. Then, Myrtle Beach--North Carolina, NC--Hartford. That's 4 flights. THEN, I'm flying to Ohio on the 11th for my cousin's wedding and flying back on the 13th), but SIX. Six flights. I don't think I like those odds. I won't obsess, though. It's going to be fine. I'm really not TERRIBLY tweaked about it, because I haven't had a real vacation since Nick and I went to Mexico two years ago. Us in Myrtle Beach will be just as much fun, without the pesky Peso to USD conversion.
And that's about it. You have a nice weekend, ok?
Oh, wait. If you send me mail and I don't recognize your name, and you leave a vague subject line like "HI!!!" or "WHAT'S UP!?!" or just leave it blank, there is a 100 percent chance that I've deleted it. I get SO MUCH SPAM that I usually can't tell the difference, so it gets deleted in one giant expungence. Is that a word? So don't be miffed if I didn't answer you, I might have just deleted it. Send me mail with a "HEY!! I AM REAL MAIL!!" subject line or something, and I'm on it.
Ooh, wait again! This past Monday was my 8 year wedding anniversary. Awwww!!
the other day - home - email - soon