May 4
 
 
 

Remember me?! So, with my new computer, I got a new cam.  It looks a lot like a radar gun.  The good thing is that it takes amazing photographs.  The bad thing is that you're supposed to be able to videochat with me when we're on AIM, but so far NO ONE has been able to connect.  The hell?  Thanks, Apple!!
 
 

In case you were all wondering, the extensions are still in my head, but it's BAD.  It's really really bad.  This is why I'm telling you about it.  Can someone please help me out here, and tell me how I get the damn things OFF my freaking head?  As far as I've been able to determine, they're each made of two strips.  One with the hair adhered to them, and the other a gluey type of strip that remains after I pull the hair strip off.  How do I get the gluey strip off my hair?  It looks really bad, and I can't seem to make it go away.  Someone out there has to have more hair smarts than me.  I'm sure it's something simple, too, like "dip your head in mayo! all the glue  will slide off!"  but I can't for the life of me figure what the magical thing will be.  In the meantime, I'm fairly sure it IS NOT picking at the glue until it makes little snot like blobs all over my head.  Which is what I have working right now.

I'm not going back to Lucinda.  I've already made that decision.  I think that charging 700 dollars for what she did was a little like taking it up the ass without lube.  I mean, this is a woman who deals with a lot of cancer patients who've lost their hair permanently.  How can you charge that much for something that costs close to nothing?  I mean, look here.  That's $150, and I've seen it WAY cheaper than that.  I can't believe I was paying the additional 400 for her 6 hour service and delightful ambience.  I'll go a long way to tell you all an amusing story, but sitting in her plastic moonman chair while she has me hold the glue when she takes phone calls isn't something I need to do again.  So, help me out.  Help me get THEM out.  Help me.
 
 

Fucking Around With The Spammers:
 
 

You all get those emails, right?  The ones that go like this:
 

DEAR SIR?MADAME:
 

I AM CONTACTING YOU FROM THE ISLAND OF NJUMBE.  MY NAME IS PRIME MINISTER OLATUNJU MOUFASTAS AND I AM HERE TO PROPOSE A BUSINESS DEAL.  TIME IS OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE!!!!!!

Then, it'll go on at great length about either them wanting you to give your money to help them rebuild a church or them wanting to give YOU money, after you give them all your bank account information and phone numbers and whatnot.

Typically, when I get those emails, I answer "That sounds great! Please give me more information!!' and I'm ignored.  Last night, I got one and replied:
 

Dear Sir:

How fortunate it was to find your email in my inbox! It is almost as though god has brought you to me!  I have just received an inheritance from my Uncle, who sadly passed away.  The inheritance is for USD $3,456,300 and I have been wondering exactly how to best use the money I have inherited.  I considered donating it to the church or to a children's organization, but your proposal sounds much more worthwhile.  I hope to hear from you soon!

Sincerely,

Missy Eliot
 
 

Not 15 minutes later, I got a reply:
 

Dear Missy Eliot,
Ý
Good day. How are you doing now? Thanks for your e-mail message which I received in good faith, the contents are clearly understood and noted. I am also very happy to find a sincere and trustworthy person like you to help me in concluding this laudable project.
Ý
Hence, you have indicate your interest to help me in Transferring this sum of money into your Personal/Company's Bank Account in your country. I am very grateful in advance and may Almighty God always be with you in all your future endeavours.
At this point I would want you to furnish me with the following informations:

(1) Your direct contact/mailing address.
(2) Your direct/private Telephone and Fax numbers for easy and verbal communication between us.
(3) Your Personal or Company's Bank Account which you would nominate to receive the US$10 Million on my behalf.
Ý
Upon the receipt of this require informations above, I shall endeavour to let you know the procedure and the processes that would effect the transfer of the fund, also other necessary informations that may be needed to conclude this transaction at the earliest possible time. The complete processes of the transaction of transfer of the money US$10 Million would take nearly seven (7) working days from the day of commencement on this transaction, so the earlier we get started on this project the better for us.
Ý
My dear friend, I am assuring you that all logistics are in place and modalities worked out for the smooth conclusion of this transaction within a very short time. Though I have not met you in person before, you are like a friend to me now, therefore I believe I can really confide in you on this matter now.
Ý
I would want you to fill this APPLICATION FORM I am sending by attachment along with this email message and make sure that you send it back to me urgently (today) in order for my Lawyer to go ahead by tomorrow morningÝto Swear an Affidavit of Claim of the fund US$10 Million in your name and favour in order for you to claim the fund on my behalf in your nominated Bank Account in your country.
Ý
I hereby also attached my INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT along for your own perusal and Identification when we meet in person after the successful completion of this transfer of fund transaction.
Ý
There are many ways we can help one another once we have moved this money to your country, because their is an adage that says "ONE GOOD TURN DESERVES ANOTHER". I would really appreciate it that as soon as we conclude this, we should be together like one family.
Ý
Feel free their is no problem once you adhere to my instructions. You should call me on my private/direct telephone number: 234-803-321-6890 at anytime of the day/night for more details and discussions on how we can proceed and conclude this transaction early enough.
Ý
I am anxiously waiting to hear from you soonest.
Ý
Thanks.
Ý
Best Regards,
Ý
Senator Victor Oyofor.
 

And here are the attachments:

 
 

That looks legit, right?  I'm getting ready to send my information right now!   What, you aren't convinced?  Then allow me to allay your fears!  He sent a copy of his IN NO WAY FORGED passport!  Look!
 

 
 
 

Would he lie to you?  I think not!  Come on!  Can't you trust a man sending you ten million dollars!!  How do you think I should spend the money?

More importantly, how should I follow up?  What do you think my next move should be??
 
 
 
 
 
 

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