February 10
 

Ugh.  I hate to panic about stuff like this, but I am always afraid that my grandfather is running out of opportunities for bouncing back.  I have a feeling that he may have had a stroke somewhere over the past 4 days or so.  His speech is garbled, he's been hallucinating, his color is off.  He has totally forgotten one of his daughters, even though she was here in Connecticut just last week.  He refers to her as "that lady".  So far, he remembers me, my mother, my grandmother.  My cousins don't even play into the story, he has no idea who they are or are not.

My morning has been a flurry of phone calls to neurologists, to neurosurgeons, to someone who might be able to help, and so far no one really can.  A screaming match with the nasty assistant to the neurosurgeon is about as far as I've been able to vent any anger. I don't think I'm being unreasonable to ask for a little kindness and compassion when I tell someone that my 83 year old grandfather has SUDDENLY begun hallucinating and slurring his words.  I don't think I'm being unreasonable when I ask for an MRI.  I just am not seeing how being a condescending bitch to me is helpful, and when someone gives me attitude on the phone, I can not be out snottied.  Give me a call, I'll prove it to you.

Anyhow, it's hard.  I feel like on a good day, I have such a tenuous ability to keep all the balls up in the air that one thing like this tends to make everything crash around me.
 
 

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