February 26
Everyone has a story. One they can tell to a table full of of people that holds them rapt during the telling. One that you don't think of all the time, but when you do, it's like opening the floodgates ofthat particular time or place; the story cannonballs into other stories and remembrances until you're remembering all of the details surrounding the story you told. This is that story for me, and I can't believe I've never shared it. I mean, I've spoken of the guy before, but didn't know the proper way to write it all down--it's a story best told (and heard) in person. Anyhow, enough blathering--on IM today, I told my friend Wendy the story of the Reamer. Enjoy.
danaful: people who love de sade are always, ALWAYS morons
Wendolah2: I now know to immediately dump anyone who loves Story of The Eye
danaful: heh
danaful: The Reamer (i told you about him, right?)
danaful: used to read de Sade to me
danaful: or would launch into lengthy descriptions of de sade passages
Wendolah2: no! tell me about the reamer!!!!!
danaful: and tell me I was dumb when I didn't gasp in horror
danaful: and my tits didn't titlate
danaful: The reamer was this guy I was dating--John Gatherer(Note: I've given his full name in other places on the page, but I won't now. I'm sort of astonished I've never gotten a nasty email from him. I'll make up a last name. )
danaful: He was a freak
danaful: We had sort of a long, horrible relationship
Wendolah2: he sounds like Doker
danaful: wherein we'd only hook up on weekends
Wendolah2: so much like Doker
danaful: and we'd get blind drunk
danaful: and take a taxi to his place in Jersey City
danaful: he was a terrible artist
Wendolah2: hah!
danaful: and had a masters degree in math
danaful: and he was british
danaful: and he was working as a carpenter
Wendolah2: oh, man
danaful: and we met at a bar
danaful: the night of my college graduation
danaful: I have no idea why or what
danaful: but, we had this gross, boozy time together, and he hated me
danaful: and never said anything nice about me
danaful: and I hated him
Wendolah2: see you were in college! Doker was last year! I have no excuse!
danaful: but I didn't know any better than to stay away
danaful: Oh, HO
danaful: I was...22
Wendolah2: I was THIRTY!!!!!
danaful: he told me he was 32.
danaful: and he was 37!
danaful: I was 22!
Wendolah2: oh, man. All of Doker's female friends were in their early twenties
danaful: And he was always wanting to stick his finger in my butt
Wendolah2: yep. that's Doker
danaful: and he lived in an illegal loft filled with roaches
danaful: and fish--he had about 5 giant fish tanks filled with exotic fish
danaful: and BIRDS
danaful: he had cages and cages of birds
danaful: and a horrible, nasty cat named Pim
danaful: and if the cat meowed in the middle of the night, he would actually call out, in his sleep, "Hello, hello Pim!"
danaful: and there wasn't a bathroom in the place
Wendolah2: was he FUCKING CRAZY over cats?
danaful: it was down the hall
danaful: He adored his cat
Wendolah2: like was he really mushy over it?
danaful: and he always wanted me to pee on his hand
Wendolah2: Hah!
danaful: ARgh, he was a fucking FREAK
danaful: Im trying to give you the setup, here
Wendolah2: oh, man
danaful: So, any given friday or saturday night
danaful: we would meet at a bar in ny
danaful: drink and drink and drink
danaful: and then, he'd say "do you want to go home?"
danaful: so, we'd go to a bodega, he'd buy like 2 more 6 packs
danaful: we'd call a cab and go to his place in Jersey City
danaful: I'd pay for the cab
Wendolah2: man
danaful: and he'd leave me standing outside--in this empty warehouse district
danaful: at midnight
danaful: because he didn't want both of us going up the front stairs at the same time
danaful: and he would ALWAYS STOP IN HIS APARTMENT FIRST, and listen to his fucking messages, so he'd leave me out there
danaful: OK
danaful: One night, same old shit happened-
danaful: drunk, fool around
danaful: I fall asleep
danaful: the morning comes, I wake up, and call my friend
danaful: and tell her that I'd be home within 2 hours
danaful: I go back into the room to tell him, and he's still asleep
danaful: so I kind of lay down and fall asleep again, myself
danaful: The next thing I know, I am awakened by him running back and forth and going "oh god! oh god!!"
danaful: and I kind of look over in the bed
Wendolah2: why?
danaful: and there's a GIANT BLOOD STAIN
danaful: And I think "Hmm. That didn't come from me."
Wendolah2: where?!
danaful: So, I get out of bed
danaful: and he is standing there, stark naked
danaful: with blood pouring down his legs
Wendolah2: ewwww
danaful: there's blood all over the floor
Wendolah2: oh, god!!!
danaful: it's like a murder took place
danaful: I say, very calmly "John. What happened?"
danaful: And I will never forget this, as long as I live, he said:
Wendolah2: oh my god.
danaful: "I seem to be bleeding from the rectum"
Wendolah2: HAHAHHAAH!
danaful: and I say "Huh. You seem to be?"
danaful: "what did you do?"
Wendolah2: what did he DO?
danaful: "I inserted something into my rectum"
Wendolah2: WHAT?
danaful: "What did you insert into your rectum?"
danaful: He leads me to the garbage
Wendolah2: I totally had to close my office door!
danaful: and pulls out a mat knife, like this
Wendolah2: my GOD!!!!
danaful retracted blade
danaful: inside a plasic bag, which he'd TAPED CLOSED
danaful: So, he had the thinking through
Wendolah2: my god my god my god my god
danaful: that he was going to shove a mat knife up his ass, but the plastic bag, maybe, would make its entry smoother
danaful: the bag is COVERED in blood
Wendolah2: and the blade, which you could TAKE OUT BY THE WAY,
danaful I know!!
Wendolah2: is not supposed to be involved, right?
danaful: There was no knife involved
danaful So, anyhow
Wendolah2: he just thought that handle had that certain mojo
danaful: Yup
danaful He's bleeding like CRAZY
Wendolah2: man
danaful: he gets into his little makeshift shower
danaful: and squats down, which is a giant mistake
danaful: and CLUMPS OF BLOOD are pouring out
danaful: slopping down on the floor
Wendolah2: NO NO NO!!!
danaful: and I say "Look. You need to go to the hospital"
danaful: I'm really cool through the whole thing
danaful: but I was fucking laughing my head off inside
danaful: No, no no, he doesn't want to call an ambulance, doesn't want to blah blah blah
Wendolah2: hell yeah
danaful: and he's getting paler and paler
Wendolah2: oh man.
Wendolah2: I honestly don't know why I have not passed out by now
danaful So, I finally convince him that he needs medical help
Wendolah2: yeah
danaful: and we set off through the slums of jersey city looking for a doctor
danaful: HE doesn't know where one is, and I certainly do not
danaful: Finally we fnid a place, and he goes in on his own
Wendolah2: oh, god
danaful: and I call my friend
danaful: and laugh my face off as I tell her the story
danaful: and she's laughing
danaful: and like 5 minutes later he comes down
danaful: and says "he couldn't help me."
danaful: Oh, oh!
danaful: Before we set off, he said "everyone is going to think that a man did this to me..."
Wendolah2: hah!
danaful: so, after he says "he couldn't help me"
danaful: he pauses dramatically and says "and he said 'are you sure a man didn't do this to you?"
danaful: hAH
Wendolah2: like that would be worse than thinking HE DID IT TO HIMSELF!
danaful: I KNOW
danaful: So, off we go to the hospital
danaful: and he's still bleeding
danaful: and the hospital is a million miles away
danaful: and we walk walk walk
danaful: and then we get there and wait wait wait
Wendolah2: man
danaful: and we're sitting very quiet and I'm like "you know, i had tampons in my bag, if you REALLY needed to stick something up your ass."
Wendolah2: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
danaful: So, finally, after like 2 hours
danaful: they call his name
danaful: and he dissapears
danaful: and then about an hour after that, two orderlies go by
danaful: and one says to the other one, heh
Wendolah2: HAH!
danaful: "Yo, did you hear about BUTT BOY back there?! You hear what buttboy did?!"
danaful: Buttboy!
Wendolah2: HAHAHA!!!
danaful: Of course I told him they said that
Wendolah2: YES!!!!!!
danaful: and he was like "Buttboy, how very clever!"
danaful: and they gave him some pills so that he didn't get an infection of the ass
Wendolah2: did you ever put this in the journal?
danaful: and when we went to fill them
danaful: and he finally got them, the bottle said:
Wendolah2: i am dying
danaful: "Take one--BY MOUTH--every 4 hours."
Wendolah2: 0-8080;l3ew3m,. .jqwepouwrpu0p8
danaful: I FREAKED OUT when I saw the bottle
danaful: He was not amused
danaful: From that point forward, he was known as "the Reamer"
danaful: and--coincidentally, that was exactly the time the NIN song about fucking you like an animal came out--with the lyric
danaful: "Help me, I broke apart my insides"
Wendolah2: HAHA!!!!
danaful: which, needless to say, was very funny to me
danaful: People LOVE that story
danaful: I have never told it on my page, but I have spoken of John Gatherer before
Wendolah2: it is a beautiful story
danaful: I know!!!
Wendolah2: thank you for sharing it!
Wendolah2: a MAT KNIFE
danaful: Im just happy that it is a story in my life.
the other day - home - email - tomorrow