September 23
 

[I hope you noticed that I recreated my index page.  Really, I need a new layout or something.  I say that, but know fully well that I'm never going to change anything because I CAN NOT.]
 
 
 

Stuff:
 

Nicole had her baby!!!  It's a girl.   I'm not going to tell you her name yet because I've enjoyed calling her Fresca far too much to stop now.  Just pretend like her name is Fresca and all will be well.  Both mom and baby are doing really well.  I have to say that Fresca is the first baby I'm going to have a lot of contact with, so I hope she doesn't hate me.  When I held her on Saturday, about TWENTY MINUTES after she was born, I whispered to her "We're going to teach you to play blackjack!"  I sense that right from the start, I'm a good influence.  Auntie Dana RIGHT HERE.
 
 

And here's what happened in Atlantic City, but I'm not going to tell you which of us did or said what, since you all don't  know who came with.  This way, you get to enjoy what happened and I get to keep the not-so-innocent protected.
 

1.)  Someone got totally lost driving from the Newark airport and ended up NOT ever getting onto the Garden State Parkway and found themself (with passanger) staring sadly at the Delaware Memorial Bridge.  Before getting onto the bridge, however, this smart person veered off and wound up on Route 40, which added an extra 1.5 hours to the trip.  On the road, the people in the store saw gas being sold for $1.60, several cowboy clothing stores, a RODEO, a restaurant offering us VITTLES to eat, a SHRINE and a lot of horses and cows.

2.)  Someone may have been cut off by a family in a pickup truck and flipped off the child who turned around to look.  MAYBE just MAYBE the driver who was cut off screamed "I AM GOING TO KILL YOUR WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY".  Maybe.  So I heard.

3.)  A Dirty Sanchez was offered up to a stranger like the body of Christ at the blackjack table.

4.)  At the same blackjack table, an attitude was copped by not only all the PLAYERS, but ALSO the dealer.  An angry player in our group shrieked "LISTEN PEOPLE, THIS IS A FUCKING TEN DOLLAR TABLE!!! IF YOU ALL WERE SO GREAT, YOU WOULD BE PLAYING AT THE HIGH ROLLER TABLES AND NOT SITTING HERE LIKE FUCKING ASSHOLES FREAKING OUT AT TEN DOLLAR BETS!!!"

5.)  Someone walked around very closely behind the elderly mock-cupping their fluffy hair.

6.)  Genitalia was exposed out our hotel window.

7.)  "THAT'S RIGHT I'M MALE" was yelled more than once.  More than 150 times, actually.

8.)  Someone ordered a $70 dollar entree.

9.)  Someone said "I'm really tired of hearing about RETARDED PEOPLE.  They make me uncomfortable!!!!!"

10.)  Who is COCKZILLA?? One of us.

11.)  "I don't know about you all, but my vagina tastes GOOD.  Some of the vaginas I've tasted?? NOT SO GOOD."

12.)  SOMEONE did the Usher dance, complete with fake moving of the hat motions AND milking the cow AND bending over to touch the toes.  It was in context, though, because we were at a dance club.

13.)  The PONCHO was worn, by two people, neither were me.  [Note: I will never wear the poncho.  I look about as stupid as someone can look.  Maybe not as stupid as the person who actually wore it first]

14.)  Someone stalked a frightened woman through the casino floor.  This someone may have redeemed his or herself by teaching a very confused Asian man to dance later on.

15.)  Several people were dissapointed by a rented porn.

16.)  Two people sauntered down the hall in their pajamas.

17.)  Someone was far too happy to find the PENNY slot machines.  Someone else put their comp card into the machine and snatched it out about three seconds later saying "This machine embarrasses my card"

18.)  Someone's brother won $175 playing Roulette at another casino.

19.)  A new nickname was given:  Puddin' Ass.  Guess why.

20.)  The porn was chosen WITH SOMEONE'S TOUNGE.

21.)  Someone fell asleep AT THE DANCECLUB, and was awakened by the bouncer's flashlight.

22.)  Decorative bottles were moved from the stupidly expensive restaruant to our table.  Who moved them?   (that's a trick--they were moved by several of us)

23.)  Who said, while watching said porn:  "HER CLITORIS HAS THE VAPORS!!!!!"

24.)  Which person rocked on a bed like Rainman wailing "MOMMA SICK!! MOMMA SICK!! MOMMA SICK!!!!! MOMMA SICK!!!!" over and over again?

25.)  One of us looked all types of sexy dancing.  The rest of us did not at all.  Guess who looked sexy?  (Hint:  the person who did the Usher dance was not the sexy person).

26.)  Who put forth the toast "Fuck you now and FOREVER, Journalcon"???

27.)  How many times did we get proofed?

28.)  Who pulled the slot handle with their mouth?

29.)  Who pulled it with her boobies?

30.)  Who was sad to leave?
 
 
 

There's a lot I'm leaving out.  I'll end this by saying that we had a GREAT time, so so fun, and it was exactly what I needed, even though I didn't win a lot of money.  If you missed the trip on this go around, fear not, we're going back in the spring.
 
 

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