April 28
 
 

The Odds and Ends Entry:
 

First, someone sent me email asking for my Top 10 favorite songs of all times.  That's sort of an impossible task, so I present you with my Top 20.  Remember, too--the closer we get to #1, the more I love the songs all equally.  And really, it's hard to say which of these songs I love more than others, because they're all winners in my book.  I don't want any of them to think they aren't worthy.  Just making it to my Top 20 is an honor.  And, as always, this is totally subject to whim and change.
 

20.)  Running Away:  Bob Marley.
19.)  She Said, She Said:  The Beatles
18.)  Anni:  Paolo Conte
17.)  7 Deadly Sins:  Bryan Ferry
16.)  Tears:  Chameleons
15.)  Let Me Clear My throat:  MC Cool
14.)  Chelsea Hotel #2:  Leonard Cohen
13.)  Peace Train:  Cat Stevens
12.)  Spirit of the Radio:  Rush
11.)  I'll Be Gone:  Tom Waits
10.)  Tomorrow Never Comes:  Big Head Todd
09.)  Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos:  Public Enemy
08.)  Idiotique:  Radiohead
07.)  Be Sweet:  Afghan Whigs
06.)  Is Your Love Strong Enough?  Bryan Ferry
05.)  Natural Mystic: Bob Marley
04.)  Paranoid Android:  Radiohead
03.)  Last Cigarette:  Dramamrama
02.)  Cemetary Polka:  Tom Waits
01.)  Let Down:  Radiohead
 

Jesus! That took me about an hour!  And I'm leaving definitely leaving out songs I love.  If I could have a 100 songs I love,  that might come closer to it all.
 
 
 

The Dream My Grandmother Had:

Gramma:  I dreamed about you last night!!
Me: Uh oh! What was it about?
Gramma:  Well, I dreamed that we were all at a BEAUTIFUL vacation house!
Me:  So far so good!
Gramma:  And you came running up with a bag, and you said "I have the most wonderful snack for all of us!!!"  and I said "Really?  What is it??!"  and you said "It's FISH!!"
Me:  Fish??
Gramma:  Then you said "It's the best snack you will EVER HAVE!!"  and I asked you "Well, what is the fish CALLED?"  and you said "SHIT BALLS!!!"
Me:  WHAT?
Gramma:  You were offering us all a snack of SHIT BALLS!!!!
Me:  Did you LOOK at the shit balls??
Gramma:  No!!!
Me:  Did I convince any of you to eat the Shit Balls?
Gramma:  You tried and tried, but I kept saying "Dana, I am NOT EATING SOMETHING CALLED SHIT BALLS!!!"
Me:  Oh, come on! Would I lead you astray??
Gramma:  I would not eat Shit Balls.
Me:  But they were FISH!!
Gramma:  In the dream, you kept telling us how good they were, but we wouldn't eat them!
Me:  Not even ANGELO?
Gramma:  SHIT BALLS!!!!!

Ha!
 
 
 

Things I Believe Beyond the Shadow of a Doubt:
 

1.)  Holding elevator doors is not something I need to do.  You know what, another elevator will always show up. Usually sooner rather than later.  Running down the hall screaming "HOLD IT!!!"  always makes me slam on the door close button.  Unless you are running from an avalanche, there's no cause for running to an elevator.  At all.

2.)  9/11 was preventable.  Maybe not fully, but the ball was dropped and we'll never know why.  Not for anything, but I'm glad I don't have to go to sleep at night knowing that I could have avoided the death of more than 3,000 people.  Oh, wait.  The people who dropped the ball don't have SOULS, so it doesn't bother them.

3.)  Macs are better than PCs.  Argue with me all you like, I'm unwavering on this.

4.)  You had nothing to do with who I selected as a spouse.  I should have no say in who YOU choose, nor should the government.  Shouldn't people who are freaking out about gay marriages get to hunting the TERRORIST SCOURGE?  Shouldn't they worry about educating our children, providing health care to people who need it, trying not to further fuck up the environment?  Not only SHOULD I have no say, but why the HELL should I care?  If two people love one another, they love one another.  People who play the god card in this debate:  What kind of god would object with two people who LOVE ONE ANOTHER?  Isn't that what it's all about? Loving one another?  uh huh.

5.)  I am a woman.  If I get pregnant, I should have the right to a safe and legal abortion.  I shouldn't have to walk through religious freaks waving "ABORTION CAUSES CANCER" signs, but I accept that they have a right to be there.  Even though I hate them. And they suck.  If Republicans don't like abortions, they should simply refrain from having them.  Although, I like to think that if their parents knew about them then what they know now, they themselves might have chosen a different fetal path.

6.)  Pregnant women are insane.  Nicole is pregnant.  We go pregnant clothes shopping together (I confess, I always think that people are going to think that I'm the pregnant one, so I always shove clothes at HER really quickly.  I am not PREGNANT, I am merely TUBBY).  When we were in the pregnant store, EVERY PREGNANT WOMAN in there was flipping her shit about one thing or another.  This leads me to the only logical conclusion:  All Pregnant Woman Are Crazy.

7.)  Every single person who fills out those inane online quizzes lie.  They either lie in the questions or they lie about results.  I read forums where people dedicate WHOLE THREADS to posting results of online quizzes, and they're always like "I AM A GRAMMAR GOD!!"  "YOU ARE MARIA CALLAS, QUEEN OF THE BRILLIANT, TRAGIC OPERA FIGURES!!!"  No one is ever wanting to post "DID YOU GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL, MORON?"  or "YOU ARE NELSON ON A GOOD DAY AND TESLA ON A BAD!!".  Guess what?  You don't fool me.  NO ONE IS THAT GREAT ALL THE TIME.  If you were that great, you probably wouldn't take online quizzes.  Do you really believe that people will think any better or worse of you for coming up with a shitty character on "Which forgotten 80's cartoon are you??"  Do you think that shit MATTERS?  It doesn't.

8.)  Red sauce on pasta is bad news.  Red sauce on meat is gross.  Red sauce, overall, gets a thumbs down from me.  There is no real excuse for eating bad food when you're out.  Don't go to chain restaurants, unless you're going to Fridays to have one of their 145 ounce Long Island Iced Teas.

9.)  Airplanes are big and weird and cool.  Why do they work?! I have no idea, but I like when they do.  I ALSO LIKE WHEN THEY DON'T.

10.)  No one should give a shit what famous people think about ANYTHING other than what they're famous for.  I don't care about their political views, what they have to say about religion, whether or not they think plastic surgery is a good idea.  I ESPECIALLY don't want to hear famous people talking about how awesome OTHER famous people are.  We give famous people way too much credit for stuff in America.  Here's the thing.  Famous people aren't any smarter than you.  Their opinion doesn't count more.  They get one vote just like the rest of us.  Don't give them more power than they deserve.
 
 
 

If You Don't Know This By Now, You Will Never Never Never Know This:
 

Did you hear about my friend Doug??  About his band??  Holy shit!!! It's true!! You can vote as many times as you like!! And you SHOULD.  Because if you VOTE, you are a cool kid.  If you don't, you are undoubtedly the kind of person who prepares MONTHS in advance to see a show by staging a solo mosh pit around your living room, scaring your dogs and breaking furniture with your giant hammy arms and legs.  If you haven't voted, stop reading me.  Seriously.  Just go away.  I have no use for you, loser.  Why you go and hurt me like that?  After all I give you?  My one measly request?  It's not like I'm asking you for MONEY or your FIRSTBORN or something.  Jeezus, you people.
 
 

big old yesterday   -   home     -  ole!   -   soon!

PS:  Apple Computer:  I know you think your on hold music is cool and cutting edge and hipster.  You THINK so.  I think it's annoying at 8:15am.  It might just be annoying at 12:35.  EXPECIALLY since I've been on hold for 25 minutes. Here's how it played out:

10 On Hold Minutes=David Byrne, Make Believe Mambo, I think.
14 OHM = Air, some song
19 OHM=  Modest Mouse one of the songs from the new CD
25 OHM= the Gypsy Kings.  Uh huh.
29 OHM=   Some song that's way too modern for me to know.
 

Who is hipper than Apple?  Maybe only VW.